A Compilation of Geeky Essays

Ryouta Kawara and Coping with Transience

[A/N]: Written on August 2nd, 2020. Warning: This one wound up quite lengthy.

I always used to be embarrassed that I love Hatoful Boyfriend. Whenever I would talk about it, I would have to follow up with, "I swear it's ACTUALLY good." Unironically adoring a bird dating sim isn't exactly the most accepted practice. This past school year, though, pretty much all of my shame just went out the window. I will preach this series's goodness until the day I die. I'll shout it out on rooftops if I need to. So, in fact, there will be two and a half essays about Hatoful, and that's just what I have planned NOW. Munchy, you may ask, how would one write a half-essay? And I would answer, by combining it with one on a character from another game. Hey. If a small indie dev can take stock images of birds and make them feel more real and human and sympathetic than most other dating sims, they must have some skill. And I want every gamer I know to have heard of them.

I stumbled upon this game and thought it was a joke. Normally, I'm not one for comedy, but I figured I would give it a shot. It was being let's played by the woman who VA'd Toriel for Undertale the Musical, so I already liked her a lot. May as well, right?

I was NOT emotionally prepared for this game. Hato Moa (the creator) does a really good job at making the game seem like a joke. You play as Hiyoko Tosaka (name adjustable), the only female human at a school for gifted male birds. The cast includes (but is not limited to) a creepy-ass doctor, a track star who's kind of slow and obscenely obsessed with pudding, and an amateur mangaka who can warp reality. Now, to be fair, I listed the most obviously strange suitors. But you can see why I didn't take it seriously, right?
Despite how absolutely absurd it sounds, a good 95% of the oddity does eventually get explained. Explained WELL, somehow. And everything you learn on every route (except for one, which is genuinely just a joke) culminates into something I can only describe as one big, emotional calamity of sorts.

The rest of this essay and then the next two will include MASSIVE spoilers for Hatoful Boyfriend and its sequel, Hatoful Boyfriend Holiday Star. Please. If you're even remotely intrigued, give them a shot before you read. They're not excessively long. It'll take you a few weeks max, and that's if you go at a pretty slow pace. Come back here when you're ready. Because GOD, I just want everyone to experience this. Thank you!

[A/N]: Now for another warning. This discusses the topics of death, illness, and other sensitive topics. Take care of yourselves please! Love you~

Phew, okay. Now that the majorly long intro is taken care of, I'm going to get into the character that this essay is about. Okay? Okay.

Ryouta Kawara has lived a tough life. His father, though well-intentioned, was relatively absent until his death. His loving mother is sickly and he has to take as many jobs as he can to care for her. He himself also deals with stomach issues. In his own words, "I'm not as healthy or as strong as you. I'm not smart, or handsome, or rich." But he has Hiyoko, a human girl in a society that doesn't particularly favor humans. Someone who was always there for him, ever since they were children. The thing about Ryouta's life is that, even if it isn't always joyful, it's consistent.

And then something happens. Now let me be clear. I'm not saying it that way to be vague. Essentially, there are multiple different possible fates for these characters. Holiday Star is a different reality than Bad Boy's Love (the final route of the first game), which in itself is a different reality than the normal routes. But no matter which reality you're in, Ryouta has to grapple with the idea of transience. And it's a tough pill to swallow.

In his route, his mother eventually dies of her illness. He is left alone. He recalls that, despite her being weak, her life wasn't exactly short compared to others in her species. And the idea of his own mortality slips into his mind. He comes to the conclusion that he and Hiyoko should go their separate ways, because he doesn't want her to feel the grief of losing him that he feels toward his mother. Because Hiyoko, as a human, will live longer. Fortunately, she talks him out of it, and they decide to spend all the years he may have left together. But that's just the thing. His route, unlike some of the others, leaves you with the painful knowledge that their romantic bliss will not stretch on for eternity. His ending is even called, "While It Lasts."

And, as bittersweet as it is, it's actually one of the happier ways his life can go. By far the darkest is the unraveling of the Bad Boy's Love Route. Because the very first thing that happens on that path is that Hiyoko DIES. He finds her head stuffed in a box. And, as it turns out, it's sort of his fault. Not knowingly, of course, but it's enough to make him feel completely wracked with guilt. The creepy doctor cooked up essentially a human-killing virus in Ryouta to be used as a weapon of mass destruction, and Hiyoko is the first test subject. At the end of the route, he is forced to stay locked in the school for years until a cure can be found. He's lost his best friend. He can't take care of his mother. He doesn't even have his freedom. Ryouta's entire life is dramatically changed in the blink of an eye. He almost breaks from the pressure. Fortunately, his friends talk him off the ledge to prevent him from giving in and just offing humanity with his illness.

That's all very dramatic, though, and not very relatable. And Munchy, didn't you talk about how real these characters are? Why yes. Because here's where probably my favorite option comes in. Holiday Star. Ryouta is faced with the ever-waning amount of time that he gets to spend with Hiyoko as she spends more and more time with someone else. And everyone gets trapped in a dream world, potentially forever, and they also might get absorbed into a hive mind. Once again, I'm definitely not making this seem very relatable, but bear with me. Ryouta is given the choice to try and escape to the real world with everyone or live a painless, consistent life with Hiyoko forever. Can you blame him for considering the latter?

In his route, he states that, "I'm glad I was born, if only because I got to be with you. It's like a miracle." He cherishes her so ridiculously much that it makes me cry. "To me, Hiyoko is Hiyoko, and no one can ever take her place." Of course he would want to hold onto her forever. Fortunately, an upperclassman friend talks him out of it. He tells Ryouta that obviously things are going to change, but you have to be willing to face it, armed with all of the wonderful memories you have. He tells Ryouta not to let his fear of the future ruin the present, because, "Even if you stand still, everything else will leave you behind." All we can do is move forward. In this path, Ryouta is able to fully embrace that transience, that terrifying instability of knowing everything you love will change.

I'm writing this just as much for me as I am for anyone reading. I'm facing a point in my life where everything I know feels like it's gonna collapse. I'm about to tread right into the biggest change I have ever experienced period. And I'll be honest. I'm kind of a coward. My whole life, I've dreaded change, even if I understand, deep down, that everything will work out for my benefit. So no wonder this option, the one where he really can face the future with confidence, is the one I resonate with the most.

Plus, I noticed a pattern. Right when everything is worst for Ryouta— right when it feels like the walls are gonna come crashing in, right when he's about to relent and fall into an unhealthy coping mechanism— fortunately, someone talks him out of it. Life can change on a dime. You can suddenly realize that your world isn't the same, or come to the frightening conclusion that it could all just be cut short by death. But, even though the upperclassman's advice is sound, you don't have to face everything with only your memories. There's always going to be SOMEONE in your corner. It may not be the person you expect. It may not be your childhood best friend. Instead it may be the seemingly stereotypical rich jerk or a flighty upperclassman, to keep with the metaphor. In the long run, though, as turbulent and chaotic as life is, you aren't dealing with it all alone. And that notion is so warm and comforting.

I have always loved Ryouta. I have a soft spot for childhood friend romances. But more than that, the way he sees the world and the way that the world responds to him just put me at ease. Because he's like me. And, each and every time, he's soothed and treated with kindness by those around him. I couldn't appreciate it more.