crown [t. oikawa]

[four]

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I DON'T LIKE SCHOOL.

in fact, the dislike i have for school is inching towards the level of intense dislike, bordering hate.

the countless hours spent solving useless math equations, scribbling down dates, memorizing the components of a cell, the finger cramps, the headaches, the sleepless nights, i didn't like any of it.

despite me being in a class with the smartest people of the year, none of my classmates enjoyed school. so i wonder how they're able to smile during the soul-draining minutes that feel like eons.

my gaze, for a moment, wanders over to gokana and mieko and the rest of their friends. they're all laughing, chattering in the brief intervals between lessons six and seven.

ah.

that's right. they're able to smile because they have friends.

and the fact that everyone else is surrounded by their friends is evident now. groups have gathered in different points of the room, and i am the only individual in isolation.

feeling lonelier than ever, i unlock my phone and stare at the contact of the mysterious caller. i bit my lip, pondering whether or not i should call him, considering that he's most likely in the middle of class.

"hey."

i glance up, and my throat dries. carefully, i arrange my face so that my nosy classmates have no idea that i'm slightly nervous to talk to my best friend who isn't really my best friend anymore.

"hey. you want to...forget about what happened on the rooftop?"

gokana visibly relaxes. "yeah. yeah, i would like that. want to watch the fukurodani practice? kaori's away today, so yukie would probably need some help managing."

"deal," and i smile, because maybe our broken friendship isn't as broken as i thought.

we can get through one fight, right?

[wrong. if that was true, then i wouldn't have to lie to myself.]

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ring

as the sound of the lunch bell echoes throughout the school, i immediately walk out of the classroom and walk to my usual lunch area, grabbing sushi from my locker along the way.

i frown, noticing that the oak bench is empty. gokana promised to sit with me earlier in the day, and since she had a free period, i expected that she would be here first.

doubt begins to creep in and settle into my stomach, making me unsure whether or not everything with gokana really is resolved.

did she lie?