DARK DELIGHTS

04

I END UP STAYING with Salvatore for one whole week. Guilt eats me up the whole time and it is the same guilt that wakes me up earlier than Salvatore; 4am to be exact. I lay on my back in the dark; staring at the even darker ceiling.

I think about my past and my future. I failed at ballet because of my recklessness and now, again because of my recklessness, I might fail my exams. I roll over to my side and face Salvatore who sleeps peacefully beside me.

I attempt to think about my life before him. Even then my imagination was painted with the idea of someone as rich and handsome as him falling in love with me and taking care of me. I'd just never imagined that it would happen and that is why I always thought that I'd be so willing to throw my education away.

Now, that it is happening, I want to cling onto that education with everything I've got. I want to feel a sense of independence. I want to have something other than him going for me in life.

That is why I slowly get out of bed and tiptoe to the bathroom; careful not to wake up Salvatore. I gently shut the door and lock it behind me; letting out a breath I did not even know I was holding.

Then I turn around; meeting my reflection in the mirror. My eyes widen at hickies covering my neck and chest in a deep shade of red and purple. I run my hands over them; retracing his touch in my mind and all the passionate nights we shared. It reminds me to take the pill in the cabinet as always.

When I do so, I unwrap my sterile dressing, exposing the healing cuts on my wrist. Now, for the hard part; showering. I thought that by now I'd get used to the pain of water falling on my cuts, but every time feels like the first.

I let out a breath; stripping myself of all my clothes before I step under the shower. When I turn it on, the water is nice and hot against my skin. That is, of course, before it touches the wounds. It burns and so I am quick about the shower; done in no time.

I dry myself in front of the mirror, admiring the shape of my wide hips and small waist. I have ballet to thank for it. I retrieve the white sterile dressing from the cabinet; wrapping it around my wrists again.

After, I throw on a bath robe and head out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. There, I discover that Salvatore is wake but still lying in bed on his phone. When he sees me, he puts his phone away and says, "You're up early. Is everything okay?"

"Y— No. I need to leave." I admit before his mood dampens and I am met with silence. It makes me ramble on. "I promise to call you everyday and visit over the weekends and—"

"Carina. I understand." He simply says before he stands from the bed and heads into the bathroom. I pause for a moment; feeling terrible for making him feel terrible. I sigh; the guilt of it all following me to Salvatore and I's walk-in closet.

I scan the clothes; looking for something that will hide the hickies on my body and the sterile dressing on my wrists. I go for a light purple turtleneck, a black pleated leather mini skirt, black tights, a black leather coat and black boots.

Once I am dressed, I take my curly hair out of its puff and gel it down in a low bun. I pull out two curly strands in the front to frame my face, before I move onto my makeup.

It is then that Salvatore walks into the closet; a towel 'round his waist. He doesn't come around me for a hug or a kiss like he usually does. Neither does he talk to me.

I maintain the same energy as I mind my own business and do my makeup in front of the mirror. I dab concealer on my hyperpigmentation then I blend it all in before powdering my face.

After, I draw a simple wing around my eyes and do my mascara. The last thing I do is line my lips and apply a generous amount of lip-gloss. At that point, Salvatore is dressed in his usual black suit and all that is left for him to do is his tie.