Crossing Paths

Chapter 9

Even though I wanted to spend as much time with my kids as possible, I knew I wouldn't be comfortable around them until I'd talked to Robin and personal confrontation with the man seemed like the best plan, so I'd called Ruby if she could babysit them.

I hoped that, with the kids around, she wouldn't ask about me and Emma, because if I had to explain to Roland and Henry that I'd gone on a date with someone that wasn't their dad, they'd fully turn their backs on me.

And I loved them with all my heart.

"Kids, Ruby is going to take care of you two for a moment. I have somewhere to go," I said as I entered the living room.

Roland and Henry had taken place on the couch and were in a deep conversation.

I wanted to talk to Roland, too, before I went to Robin. I needed to clean up the mess that was between us.

"Henry, could you go upstairs for a moment? I'd like to talk to your brother. Maybe you can unpack the last box of toys?"

Henry eagerly nodded and left the room, leaving me with a grumpy Roland.

He avoided me with his eyes. He purposely looked away as I took place next to him on the couch.

"Roland," I said and looked at him with full sincerity. "Henry just told me what Robin told you two about me."

Roland kept quiet, but he finally made eye contact.

"I want you to know that, no matter what your dad says, I love you. Every day that I have to be alone, I miss you two so much and I know this time is hard on all of us, but we'll make it through. I promise you that."

Roland still didn't reply, but I could see him swallow.

He's just as stubborn as I used to be.

"This is hard on you? Why?"

Roland asked the question that I didn't want to respond. The reason Robin and I were divorced wasn't because we hated each other. In fact, I was quite certain he still loved me.

I had stopped loving Robin quite some time ago. We'd been together since I was fifteen and for a long time I'd seen that as a reason to stay with him. I mean, I figured  that if I'd leave now, I'd wasted the last ten years of my life.

And I didn't want to leave because of the children. I wanted them to grow up in a normal family and the fact that I didn't love their dad as much as I used to, wasn't going to change that.

No, the main reason we got a divorce was because of the constant cheating. He continued cheating on me and the first times, I didn't mind. If he felt I didn't satisfy him enough sexually, that was okay, because I didn't marry him for his skills in bed either.

I was perfectly fine on my own.

But when it started to interfere with our daily life and routine, I started getting frustrated.

There were evenings that he'd gone to the bar and hooked up with some much younger girl after getting hammered, making it impossible for me to start a conversation with him, the next day, due to his hangover.

I had the burden on my shoulders of taking care of the kids and him in the morning. In the beginning, it was doable.

But the more often it happened, the harder it got to have a hungover, cheating husband around and eventually, I couldn't take it anymore.

The divorce had been good on him. At least, so it seemed to me. It appeared as though he'd stopped drinking and sleeping around as much, and despite the endless spoiling, at least he was around.

But I couldn't tell my kids the real story. All they'd heard was that Robin and I had simply grown apart and were going to live apart for some time.

"This is hard on me, because divorce isn't easy on anyone. Breaking up a family.. of course that's hard."

"Then why'd you get divorced? I think dad would be more than happy to live with the family again."

I swallowed. I knew that if I were to tell Roland that I didn't want to move in with his dad again, he'd blame me even more.

Robin had so easily shoved all the guilt on me.

I shifted in my seat and patted my lap. "Do you want to sit here?" I held my arms open and saw Roland hesitate, before he gave in and crawled on my lap.

I held him close to me and kissed his forehead. "Do you.. remember the days that daddy was a bit tired? That he felt sick?"

Roland thought for a second, but nodded. "He sometimes puked." His nose scrunched up in disgust for a second.

"You know what alcohol is?"

Roland nodded. "Yes, it ruins your brain and you're going to die if you drink that."

I couldn't help but chuckle softly and nodded slowly. "Well, it doesn't go that quickly, but if you drink a lot of beer or other sort of alcohol, you can feel bad the day after."

I kept quiet for a moment. Everything inside me told me it was bad to tell the child this. I shouldn't include him in the mess of our adult lives, simply to make sure he didn't hate me.

It was pure selfish, but now I'd already started.

"Your dad used to drink that a bit much at times and it's rather hard to be around someone who does. For me, it became a bit too hard, so your dad and I agreed upon filing a divorce."

It was just part of the story, but I hoped it was good enough to keep him satisfied.

I didn't want him to think I hated him and I also didn't want him to hate me.

"Dad said you hate us and him and found someone else that was better than us," Roland said with a pout on his lips. "I don't know what's true anymore."

I felt myself becoming angrier with the second. I despised Robin for spreading lies about me to my children and we were going to have some big conversation.

But I kept myself casual in front of Roland.

"You know, honey?" Roland looked up as I entangled my fingers in his dark brown hair. "I can claim that what I said is the truth, but you dad is going to do the exact same thing, so I just want to say this.. whatever happened between your dad and I is not your fault, nor Henry's. We're not going to be together again and eventually you will see that that's better for all of us. Your dad's become a better man since we got divorced and even though it's horrible to grow up in two different homes, I will try to make the best out of it."

Roland moved closer to me and hugged me tight. "I'm sorry, mom."

I kissed his head and swallowed thickly. It was the first time since the divorce that Roland and I talked about the situation in private.

"And no matter what happens, I love you and Henry more than anything. And I'm sure your dad does too."

Roland looked up at me and held a smile upon his lips. "Are you two ever going to be together again?"

I shook my head slightly. I didn't want him to secretly hope his dad and I would end up together, because if I'd come home with someone that wasn't dad, he'd only be more disappointed.

"No, Roland. I'm afraid not."

Then, the doorbell rang. "That's Ruby," I said and Roland jumped off my lap. I heard Henry run downstairs again. They both adored the woman.

"Henry, be careful not to trip," I warned as the kid hurried downstairs and into Ruby's arms.

I said goodbye to my sons and Ruby, thanked Ruby one last time for coming on such short notice and left the house, mentally preparing a speech in my head.

If that jackass thought he'd get away with telling my kids that I hate them and that I left the family because of someone else, he was dead wrong.

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Whoop! Here's another chapter and I'm not so proud of this one, but I hope y'all still enjoyed❤️❤️ Have a nice day and let me know what you think!💜🌹