Shuffling silently on, put your foot here,
Now put it here, now here,
Forever lost in never-ending dance;
There's nothing I can do except
Follow the steps to perfection and hope not to make a mistake
While my heart lies somewhere, and the rest of me elsewhere.
At a battle with myself, who will win me over,
Or win over me? Reality or fantasy?
Can you give me a color for mourning?
A taste for pain?
How can an artist convey his feelings,
His deepest emotions, his darkest thoughts,
Using children of the rainbow?
The mystery continues to elude me as I
Search for the perfect tinge...
Deeper than purple, darker than black,
The color of my soul, it cannot be easily found.
Perhaps it is a mix,
The darkest black for depression, a ribbon of deep magenta for lust,
A small curl of pastel as well;
Blue for serenity, green for excitement,
Yellow for the sunshine, pink for compassion.
But slowly, these colors are being taken over by the dark-
The pink fades to the color of indifference...
I am immersed in a deep black gel;
It floods my mouth, my nose, refusing me breath.
I open my eyes in the dark:
Here, I am all alone, I allow my dark thoughts to overcome me
For my perverse mind finds peace in them,
Finds comfort that I am turning into a lunatic...
The depression and lack of self-confidence have always been a part of me
But the violence is a new and uncomforting change;
Where once I hid my face at the
Sight of blood and torture,
Now I yearn to feed on the blood of those I abhor.
The achievers, the goody-good two-shoes,
The teachers' pets, immersed in their own lives
While I, the silent one, the invisible one, dream of putting a bullet
Through their head, and I smile...
Watch me as I twirl gracefully
With death in this gory danse macabre;
My hands and mouth stained with the blood of my victims...
I feel him, like a spirit, omnipresent
But more so at home.
After a hard day's work I confine myself to my room
And spend some time there,
My body twitching and writhing
As pleasure and pain dance through it,
But he is a mist, a fog on a hot summer's day,
A mirage in the desert:
Unreal, untrue, fake, imaginary.
The day will come when I will have to
Abandon this silly fantasy of mine,
But for now let me sleep in his existent arms,
Shimmering, imaginary wings protecting me from harm.
Yes, I am delusional, I am a psychopath,
Do what you may to me in the morning
But for this moment, let me sleep
With a smile on my face..
