graffiti.

you had always admired the graffiti in bathrooms but never had the courage to add your own.
you never realized you are courageous in ways other than bathroom graffiti.

you had always been willing to do anything to yourself as long as it gave someone else a better chance at life.

you had done a lot of things you thought people wouldn't notice.
all you had really wanted in life was to be noticed.

you always wanted to be bright and to be remembered for it.
you wanted to have achievements that would be remembered for years to come.

you wanted people to remember you the way they remember socrates.
the problem occurs here because there never really was a lot to do around here except breathe.

you wanted people to value you the way coal miners value canaries.
you never stopped to see that the little things show how exceedingly valued you were in life.

it's not your fault you ended up like this.
it's not your fault you needed help.

you were trying to find a train of thought that wasn't already preoccupied.
you felt like years of your life were lost to problems with arbitrary solutions.

you thought you were getting better, but you were just making excuses.

you may die thinking that you burnt out as nothing, but you forget that you only truly die when people forget you.

once you realize you are backseat in your own mind, you can take control and start to bring yourself back.
fortunately, you are alive again, and you still have time to leave some bathroom graffiti of your own.