First Flower

A ray of sunshine

Zulema's Pov

"I love you too."

Hearing those words, I feel like my world finally makes some sense. Maybe it sounds cliché, but to finally realize that someone actually loves me, gives me some purpose in this life and that despite my mistakes, and there's a lot of them, maybe I do deserve forgiveness, especially now that I realize that I have reasons to keep fighting, keep getting better every single day. Those reasons are the blonde right next to me, and the beautiful baby she's holding in her arms. They're the reason for me to not give up, to accept my demons but to not surrender to them.

"Here. Hold her." My thoughts disappear into a blur once I listen to Maca. I hesitate for a bit, but proceed to hold her, carefully. She was my daughter after all. As crazy as that sounds.

As I'm holding her, I feel like I'm out of breath. How can someone so little, so innocent, mean so much, and have so much power in our lives? I watch her, as she breathes softly, with her eyes closed and mouth wide open. It reminded me of Maca sleeping. I smile at that memory.
"Have you thought of a name yet?" I ask Maca, trying to focus on her.

"I was going to ask you for suggestions, but then I remembered the perfect name for her."

"What is it?"

"I don't know if you're gonna agree, but I just think that it is the only name that actually means something."

"Let me guess then. Sole." I tell her. That choice had crossed my head for a while, and I too thought it was perfect.

"Yes, Sole. How did you know?" She says with surprise on her face.

"Because I know you blondie. And I think it's an amazing choice." It was true, I did think it was a spectacular choice for a name. Back in prison, everyone hated me, Maca too, for some time. However, Sole always tried to see the best in me, despite my errors. She prayed for me, gave me advices and some words of wisdom, and even though I didn't follow any of them, it felt nice to feel like someone cared for me. I never had a proper mother, but Sole somehow managed to soothe that pain I had for a while.

I turn my attention back to Sole. She still has her eyes closed, but one of her hands is moving, slowly unfolding her fingers, and softly touching my hand that was lightly on top of her belly. I smile to the feeling of her hand in mine. I face Maca, who's watching the two of us with a big smile.

"What?" I ask quietly, but laughing, even though I know the answer.

"You're great with her. I didn't even know you could hold a baby properly."

"Very funny blondie. I'm quite skilled at this parenting thing. You'll see." I wink at her.

_

Maca's Pov

We stay at the hospital until the next morning, just for the doctors to check if everything's fine with Sole and I.

The way to our home is peaceful and quiet. The baby sleeps throughout the whole trip.

Once we get home, the baby starts crying and I can't help but to feel a little stressed out. I breastfed at the hospital and even though it was a bit uncomfortable it seemed easy enough, so that wasn't the reason for my anxiety. It was all so new, and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to measure up to this whole task. Even Zulema looked more calm than me. When I got pregnant for the first time I was a completely different person, and that child was the only thing I was holding on too. At that time, I was convinced that I was a good woman, who didn't deserve to be in jail and that had better principles than everyone inside that hellhole. But I wasn't that person anymore. I've killed people, I got into huge fights and problems and I didn't think I was better than anyone, it was exactly the contrary.

"Do you think she's hungry?" Zulema, who was holding her, asks with a look of concern on her face.

"Maybe, I think so. Here, let me try." I reach to Sole, holding her in arms as I sit down in the couch. I start breastfeeding her, and the baby calms down, closing her eyes. Still holding her, I slowly let my head sink into the couch. I was happy, but tired. I barely got any sleep at the hospital, and I was starting to feel those lost hours. After a couple of minutes, the baby stops eating, and I feel myself falling asleep, finally.

I wake up couple of hours later, and I can't help but to feel desperate once I realize that Sole is not in my arms anymore. I look around the room and she's nowhere to be found, neither is Zulema.

Suddenly, I start listening to Zulema's voice. She's singing, and she's singing a song that's already well known to me. I lean closer to the door of the baby's room, in order to listen better.

Yalla Tnam, Yafki Albaka.
Yalla Yalla, Habibi. Yalla Yalla Tnam.

Without even realizing it, my eyes are closed, as I'm enjoying her voice. I always knew Zulema was an amazing singer, but this time she seemed even better. Maybe because there was passion and happiness in her voice. Maybe because, for the first time, she wasn't singing to her grief, but to this baby, that represented hope, a ray of sunshine in our lives.