"Do you know how draining it is that my brain is programmed to think worst case scenario of every situation just so I'm mentally prepared when stuff goes wrong?"
"Then let me change your mindset Estelle Reagan. I'll prove to you that there's better...
Red. All I see is red. I want to see yellow. My wrists, his eyes, my cry's, the feeling in the air is all red. 'What had I done this time' floats through my mind, as I'm wanting to cry out for help. But I don't, because these apartment walls are thin, and he'll get angrier. Why does my sweet Angelo turn into a monster like this repeatedly over and over again.
"Please just leave me alone" I shake out the words trembling, as he corners me. His breath reaks of liquor. "I don't deserve this, I've done nothing to you."
"You're right, you don't deserve this." He sneers, backing away putting his hands up in defense. I hate him seeing me this way. Lips trembling, eyeliner streaming down, sweaty... vulnerable. "Go leave like you always do. Hide. Because I know you're scared of me Estelle. You're scared of yourself. You don't like that I can see the worthlessness about you. You don't like that I can point out your ugly retching self, because you're scared to look in the mirror and see what I see. Leave Estelle. And you can come back and I won't be here. All that will be left is my body." He threatens me. His words hurt, it's not the first time though. When someone says the same hurtful words over and over again those words tend to not hurt anymore.
"No I'm sorry-" But his hand reaches across the space between us and hits against my face, stopping my apologies.
"Don't be sorry. Sorry doesn't mean shit to me. You owe me - no the world more than a sorry. Change yourself. Stop being a needy bitch." He paces in front of me. I'm not a needy bitch. I don't need to stay in his apartment, I make my own money. And I sure as hell don't need him. But I don't know how to get out of this thing called love. It's unhealthy. He's the needy person in this relationship. As soon as something in his life goes the wrong turn, he takes swig after swig of those damn alcohol bottles. A reason why I'll never turn to alcohol. Because it controls you and becomes more important to you than the people you love.
He's still rambling on about my flaws. His voice is like nails on a chalkboard. "Great job" I say interupting whatever he was saying. He turns to me in anger, now knotted with confusion. "You have pointed out my flaws agian, as if I don't already see them" I wanna laugh at his defeated expression. But I can't. He takes his liquor bottle off the table and storms out the back door.
Apart of me can't blame him for how he is. His father was like this. Pushed him around as a kid. But he didn't deserve it from his father, and neither do I. But it's the worst feeling to be told off by the person you love. I put so much effort into this love and all I receive back is his wildfire lies. I sigh, knowing I can't change anything.
It's only eight at night, I could go do something. I'm not going to let him ruin the rest of the night for me. He doesn't take control over me.
I pick up my phone and dial one of the numbers I know best. Annabella. "Hey Stella, what's up?" She chirps into the phone speaker.
"Hey girl. You me, and Claretta. Club tonight?"
"Hmm I don't know, I have yoga early in the morning. I'm sure Claretta would love to go though."
I don't push her so I let her get off the phone. I try Claretta but she doesn't answere. Probably out with her girlfriend.
"I guess Stella will be going out alone tonight. Nothing's stoping her." I mumble to myself as I make my way to the closet in the room that me and Angelo share. I pick out a dress, hesitating to wear it out tonight, knowing Angelo wouldn't let me. Fuck it. He's not my father, never had one anyways, so he can't tell me what to do. I slide on the baby blue short dress, complementing my golden skin, and look at myself in the mirror. "Damn. If only he were here to see what he's missing." I smirk to myself.
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"Alright have fun tonight." The security guard tells me, looking at my ID, probably tired of telling the same thing to multiple people. Nodding and smiling, like my mother had taught me, I make my way into the crowd of people dancing. I start to feel my body with the music, brushing up against people. I like this. No Angelo. No friends. Although I do wish Annabella and Claretta were here, I like the feeling of being alone. Everyone at this club tonight has a different story. For someone it could be a heartbreak, getting over a guy. For another person it could be the night before they're getting married. And for some lonely girl out here in this club, it could be a way for her to get out of the apartment that her and her abusive boyfriend share. And I think that's what's beautiful about the world. We each have different stories that play a roll in different peoples lives.
Gliding me away from my thoughts a man roughly bumps into me. I give him a rude look, until I realize he looks familiar. But I can't put a name to him. "Excuse me." I say loud enough for him to hear me over the blaring music. He looks back at me furrowing his eyebrows. Whoever he is, he's beautiful that's for sure.
"Yes love?" Love? British accent? In Manarola Italy? To be fair I'm an American living here, it just took me by surprise. His voice was deep.
"Who are you, you look familia-"
"Harry Styles, but please don't ask for a picture, I'm just trying to have fun to-"
"Wasn't going to." I said blankly. I truly wasn't. I'm not the type of person to get caught up in a celebritys life and stalk them. I could see that his facial expression had changed to utter annoyance.
"Well you must be the life of the party." He rolled his eyes at me and walked away, getting lost in the dancing people. Shit. What did I just do?
