my poetry

-time-

As I grow older, the quality diminishes 

It damages you or they damage you 

It's not as bad as it used to be, but it's always in the back of my head

A thought of sad or numb

This is the only place where can voice my thoughts with no one's concern 

I am terrified of life and the people in it 

Will I ever grow out of this demon 

He's been there since i was 12 

At least he never abandoned me 

I'm scared  won’t make anything of myself 

Im scared ill be a waste of life   

No one knows that i think like this 

I'm worried i won’t be able to control it 

I'm nervous something is wrong with me 

It's no one's fault im like this mentally 

I miss when i was little just enjoying everything

Now it hard for me to enjoy things 

My brain has learned to block out a lot of traumatic events 

So it is hard to recall them but i always remember the demon there 

Comforting me with his sadistic ways 

How do people feel this way and still continue on 

They have people there for them everyone ends up leaving me 

Because of me

I learned to suffer in silence because i was told to since 12

I have been a damage person for as long as i could feel emotions 

I get happy or feelings of positivity yet the demon comes 

When I Am alone its as if he has taken control 

I weep until i become numb but the next morning i act as if nothing is going on 

I’ve always cared about others more than me regardless if they hurt me 

I don't know how to take care of myself mentally besides blocking out the bad parts 

Then it comes up, and the impact hits harder than it did before 

Sometimes i feel like I Can become something bigger than what I Am 

But then again I'm worried i won’t be alive in the next 3 years 

Not from other people or drugs but because of my doing 

Because of that demon since he has grown so fond of me 

Only time can tell 

                                                                                        Hey guys sorry its been so long but thank you for all the support from everyone <33