are you there? can you hear me? are you listening?
i think you hear me. but i dont think you know what you hear. its all faint screaming. you cant make out any words. its all just... sobbing. these heart wrenching pleads of "explain" and "please tell me whats going on"
"im confused"
thats what i said.
im confused.
but i feel like i know whats going on.
do i?
will you ever come back to see?
will this ever cross your mind?
am i a thought of yours?
my heart continues to rotate around you and it feels everything you do. it knows what you do. i dread finding out. i dread what i dont know about you. my heart, rotates in sheer agony around your every move. everything you do, i want to know. but it tears me to peices, leaving me to pick myself back up again, my brain crowds with feelings of regret, jealousy. like your heart didnt once interlock with mine.
we lived in harmony, never a dark day.
our tight grip on our future losened, my heart trying so desperately just to find you again. i put out my hand, knowing youd be there. my body was confused. you werent there. i lost sight of almost everything.
my hearts rythm sank, its hand deteriorating, my brain shot and wired.
like i took 18 bullets to my head.
my heart wrenching screams and sobs rung throughout, i begged myself to stop. but this was my hearts way of telling me how much it needed that feeling again. i truly felt broken. my hopes of living past the age of 15 vanished into thin air, the love that once kept me grounded dropped me on a pile of hot stones. melting my skin, the only thing i had to protect myself. my heart wouldnt let me sleep, my mind wanting so bad for me to just rest.
"please.. i cant suffer.. its not working"
over and over i said that to myself
i begged for something natural to take me away. i wanted so badly to just disappear, my heart was so confused. it beated, slow. powerful.
i desperately tried to not let another persons absence knock me so far off cycle.
he made me feel something after months and months of suffering, my mind and heart were so satisfied, i enjoyed every second helping him, loving everything about him
he looked as if he knew exactly where he was. and so did i. this is where i wanted to be, i said. existing hand in hand with the only person who could heal me.
now im so far down a hole, full of pain and hunger, my stomach begging me to be full, my skin begging for a break. i have no control over myself, the only thing working, my thumbs, and my brain.
its like a butterfly
if you dont pay attention
the most beautiful thing in the world could vanish in an instant.
just like you.
