The New Begining

CHAPTER FIVE

  The nightmares have been ruthless. every night I wake up in a cold sweat, shaking like a leaf, terrified, there is no way I'm going back to sleep tonight. I haven't had a full nights sleep in what feels like years and it has only been a few weeks maybe a couple months. I've been living on vanilla coffee from Starbucks. I leave before anyone wakes up. They never notice that I leave. Even if someone is awake when I come back I just say that I went for a drive, but most of the time everyone is still asleep when I come back.

I need to talk to someone about all of this, but how do you talk to your brothers about getting tortured half to death. I was surprised when I woke up in my room. Alive. I made it out of that terrible place. They won't let me get hurt anymore. Never again. My back started to hurt. I can hear my bones cracking, taking a shape that i've never felt before. This doesn't hurt. Why does it feel ok. It feels normal. I just relaxed and let whatever was happening happen. The next thing i know, i look into the mirror and all i see is big bright green eyes looking back at me. What the hell. Why do i look like a wolf? Holy shit i did it. I shifted. I shifted back into myself just as i hear someone yell.

"Hey' Luna, where ya at?" Kyra yelled

"My room!" I yelled back. Kyra opened my door and gave me a weird look.

"Whats wrong?" she said

"Whatdo you8 mean?" I asked

"You're sweaty, breathing heavy, your eyes are a different color, Your voice is deep like a guys." Kyra said I stayed quiet for a second and looked down at my feet.

"I shifted." I said

"Holy shit are you serious? Did anyone see you? How was it? Are you ok do you need anything?" Kyra asked franticlly asked

"No. I did not show anyone. I barely looked at myself actually." I said

"Why didn't you show anyone? I would have loved it. You could have messed with Dean so bad, None of us would have gotten mad or anything. Hell if anything we would have just been confused." Zach said

"Honestly I thought Sam would have been scared of me if he saw Dean too. I've been going through a lot lately and thought that trying to shift would have help a little." I said

"Did it help and are you ok? I know I haven't checked up on you much since you got kidnapped and I could have been a better sister, but you need to know that I will always be there for you no matter what. I'm sorry that I haven't asked how you were doing or anything, I have no excuse for the way I have acted lately." Ky said

"Ky, it's ok really. I'm fine." I said

"Really is that why I hear you yelling at night?" Kyra said I don't remember yelling...... I must be doing that before I wake up. Damit they all must know then.

"I had hoped that you would come to me or any of us to talk about what happened but clearly you aren't going to do that so I am coming to you about it. What's going through your head. What happened that night before we got you out of there?" Ky asked

"Look Ky I get what you are trying to do, but I can handle this myself really. I'm ok." I said I could tell that Kyra didn't believe me for a second, but I don't want to talk about it. I know that I should, but I just can't. A lot happened that night. I still have scars that are trying to heal and disappear. I don't want to open up wounds for Ky either. When he finds out who torched me he will lose his shit.

Eric..... My very own father held a knife to my skin and ripped me damn near to shreds and when he heard Kyra and the boys coming he stabbed me and hoped that they wouldn't get to me in time so that I couldn't say anything. Little does he know that even if he wouldn't have stabbed me, He killed me inside. I can't even look at myself in the mirror let alone tell Kyra, Sam, and Dean what happened. Dean would get quiet and angry, Sam would go into comfort mode, and Ky would go into time to fuck someone up mode.

Ky is very much over protective, but she knows when he needs to chill out. Lately she needs to be more protective. Sometimes I feel like she doesn't care, but I know that she does. It's this weird feeling. It never lasts long. It's normally for a split second and then it's gone.

It's the look on Eric's face that scares me more than anything. The fact that he smiled the entire time that he torchered me. It was like I wasn't his child anymore, That I was just another person in a long line of victims. He didn't care who I was. I was just another thing that he could poke at, stab, cut, burn, slice, and break. He didn't care that I was screaming for him to stop and let me go. He didn't care that his youngest child was hurting beyond feeling. That I would never be the same kid. There's no way that I can be ok after that. Is there? How could I be ok after that? How could anyone be ok after that?

Would anyone be normal after such things? How would they talk about that? Their own father looking them in the eyes and said there was nothing, No one is coming for them, that none of their family cares about them, that he's glad that I wasn't his biological child, and that he wished that he was the one that killed my family. I can't tell the boys that, But I do need someone to tell me that everything is going to be ok. That i'm not alone. That I can come to them with anything. That I don't have to go through this by myself. I need to talk to dean. I walked out of my room and into the kitchen and there he was making himself a sandwich. Like always.

"Hey luna, what's up?" Dean asked

Uh, can me and you talk?" I asked

"Are you ok?" He asked

"No. I'm really not." I said. Dean and I sat down at the table and I told him everything that happened that night. Dean had a look that I couldn't determine.

"Honestly. You came to the right person. A couple of years back I made a deal for Sam and went to hell. I was torchered as well. By a demon named alistair. I thought that I wasn't going to make it out of there, but a friend of mine and sams got me out of there. His name is castiel. He's an angel, but he hasn't been answering our prayers lately. If he was, those wouldn't be there." Dean said, placing his hand over the scars on my arm.

"Sometimes I can still feel the knife against my arm, dean. Is that normal?" I asked

"Yes it is. It's been years and every once in a long while my stomach hurts where I was stabbed." Dean said lifting up his shirt and showing me where the scar would be. Dean honestly is my favorite other than Kyra. Kyra can be a little much when you're not in the mood for him. Today I just flat out wasn't in the mood for him, but at least he was trying. Dean has that fatherly figure that I could look up to and try to be like him.

Yes there's some qualities in Kyra that I would like to have, but Dean is the meaning of an overprotective brother and I honestly love it. He always gives me the look of are you ok? It makes me feel as if I always have someone to talk to no matter what. He makes me feel safe and I haven't felt safe in a long time.

"Thank you Dean, Really. Thank you." I said

"Anytime. You are my little sister. You ever need me, all you need to do is ask." Dean said. He put his hand on my shoulder and handed me a cup of coffee and walked off. I sat there with the cup and thought about what I was going to do with the thoughts in my head, the flashes of Eric everywhere I looked. Maybe one day he will go away.