All I Ever Do

Chapter 3

"Babe you have to eat." Kartini put the tray of food in front of me. The bland-looking food didn't look so appealing to me and I have no appetite so I turned it down.

I've been in this hospital room for a week now and so far there have been no changes in their condition. Seeing both Mom and Francine got so many tubes connected to their body and barely hanging on their lives makes me want to bawl my eyes out.

But Dad.

"I'm sorry Ms. Clarke but he was declared dead on arrival."

I could not believe what the doctor said. My Mom and Francine survived so Dad must have been to right? Maybe they got the wrong patient. Or it's some other Clarke and they mistook it to my Dad. But the cold body lying on the morgue could not be mistaken. His face that was so lively and full of smiles, now so pale. There are gashes and a bruise on his forehead that is so dark. It's like someone knocked the breath out of me. I can't remove my eyes from him even though I want to. I don't want to. Small tears formed in my eyes and in just seconds I am sobbing hysterically on his body.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way. It's never supposed to be this way Dad." my voice cracked as my sobs echoed in the enclosed room. Watching him lay there still as stone breaks my heart a thousand times more. I'm supposed to be arguing with him. He was supposed to still convince me to work at the company. With every breath I take, my heart constricts more as it feels like there is no oxygen leaving my body.

"This can't be real. This must be some horrible dream and I'll be waking up soon, right Dad?" I shook my head while still uncontrollable tears run down my face.

"Dad answer me. I know you're alive! This isn't real! Dad, please!" I screamed harder than ever before, I know my sobs could be heard throughout the hospital building but I don't care.

Skinny arms pulled me away from my Dad and I struggled to get out so I could hold my Dad again. But they never let me go and the feeling of someone comforting you made sob on his chest while he's saying soothing words on me.

"Hey babe it's alright, it's alright, I've got you. We've got you. Everyone's here for you. Just let it all out." Ambert's voice registered in my brain but I could not focus as I'm far too gone with my heart breaking more and more. His usual bubbly voice is gone and what I could hear is sympathy.

"I didn't even said sorry." my voice shook and I cling to his neck more. Kartini rubbed my back, also trying to comfort me.

"Nobody's ever said sorry to someone until it's too late. I know your Dad had forgiven you a long time ago cause he loves you." what he said broke my heart more. A thousand needles are pricking my chest while heavy boulders are crushing it. Guilt and grief eating me alive.

"Selina? Are you ok?" Kartini's face was suddenly in front of me and I realized I just phased out.

"Yeah. I'm sorry but I have no appetite." I offered her a weak smile. My body is heavy with exhaustion but I don't wanna cave in. I have to be strong for both my Mom and my sister. A small frown was etched on her face.

"Babe I know it's hard but if you really want to help your Mom and Francine recover you've got to take care of your health also. You've been here every day and you've got no time to sleep or even eat." Ambert held my hand and tried to reason out to me.

I don't know what I would do without my best friends here. I didn't realize that I'm crying until I saw their horrified faces in front of me.

"Hey, hey, hey I'm sorry alright! I-I-- If you don't want to eat that shit it's fine. I'll just buy you a big whole roasted chicken outside---"