AL- Break Free.

Senior Year

    I was pulled out of my thoughts by the  shuffling steps in the hallway. Steph, my cousin barged into the room.

"You ready for senior year?...," she asked subconsciously,
"...because I'm so ready ."
The excitement in her voice was more than that of a kid in a candy store .
"How do.....", she twirled in  mid sentence before proceeding, " ...do I look?".
I  took a quick glance at her, in a flowery blue dress which rested just an inch above her knees. Her black her proudly falling behind her ,underneath an all black slick hair band to match her flat shoes.
I nodded, though I saw it a little bit off.

When you have the world's "popular in God " parents, you end up dressing as a church girl throughout high school. Poor Steph.

I struggled to hold myself together from laughing as all the words found its way into my head.
"My life sucks as hers but at least it's quite better, in some ways. "
I returned to speaking to myself.

"Why do you spend time talking to yourself and narrating your life story to a mirror? Life's not that bad, if you look at it from a different perspective. "
She paused, waiting for a reply but I was still processing a suitable reply for her.
She sat down on the bed the moment I approach the creepy walk -in closet in the room.

"Look at you, you look miserable. When will you realise that there's a whole lot of people out there you can speak to. You're missing out on life , Alexa,  "she mocked.
She knew how much I disliked being called that but she did.
"If you continue like that,Alexa  your life will be miserable. "

That's it. I can't stand your mother's lecture all night long and just when  I'm having a me-time you come up with your "hi I just turned sixteen"advice .

I was pissed for reasons I did not know. Usually I would brush off such comments and certain offensive advice people throw at me but this time it hit different and I didnot know why. Probably because it was from someone I considered special and a part of me.

"First of all, if you must know miss,I speak to myself because I always required advice from reasonable people, " I modulated, much to my surprise.
"Second of all, I'm not in desperate need of friends like you. I'm satisfied with myself, ".
She was taken aback by my reaction towards her harmless joke.

"Um.. I. ..err "she stammered.

"And guess what, " I continue to rage "my life is hella miserable. So there, you have your wish."

"I didn't mean to upset you. ..I. .err..."

"Of course you didn't mean to. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a class to catch. "

"Um. .. okay. We'll be waiting downstairs. "
She walked out briskly taking with her all the anger that was welded in me.
I took a deep breath , overthinking every word I just said to her.

How stupid of me.

I changed into a green car wash dress over a white pullover. I scrapped my hair off my face in a messy bun and put on a descent shoe. I grabbed a black tailored sweatpant and plain sweatshirt with a hoodie into my school bag. My gaze fell on the list of rules slammed unto a wall in the corner of the room.
         # devotion on Saturday
         # no wearing of jeans by 
                          girls
          #no sneakers
           #no quarrels

I read the rules to myself, reaching down for a pair of sneakers from my secret locker, into my school bag. I took one last glance at myself in the mirror.
"There's no difference between you two, you know.  You're pretty much a church girl yourself.
  A voice suggested.
"I get to live life my life at some point and she doesn't. "

               🌅🌅🌅🌅🌅
Renae - Steph's elder Sister dropped us off school. She was a resident in St. Anthony's hospital. She was a description of the perfect daughter- good grades, beautiful and innocent, has the perfect hardworking boyfriend and has enough time for ministerial work in church- but something about her put me off.

Josh, the youngest of the three, took off with the usual sophomore excitement to meet his friends, leaving Steph and I.
The silence that had the courage to show off as we walked down the noisy halls was unbearable. I laid down my pride and ego,  ready to apologise.

"I'm...sorry," we said simultaneously. I let out a soft dry laugh.

"Really. I apologise for my behaviour back there. I don't know what came over me. "

"It's ok. I'd have totally don't the same thing if I were you. You're the one always getting nagged about dos and don'ts and.... I understand your actions. "

I smiled at her words and she returned smiled back. I froze staring into her eyes and I could see a different me in them -a happy friendly and free Al.
"Are you okay? You just went off"
she questions, her voice bringing me back to life.
"See you after school," I said and scurried into the bathroom to change since Aunt Stella's list of rules does not allow me to dress as I love.

High school is actually perceived to be where you find yourself. It defines your future,  a sense of social belongingness. The place you make certain choices; where you're the protagonist of your story -trying to take a stand against the super hot but mean cheerleader and her entourage.  It's a place of all possibilities, where you can fall in love with a lifetime enemy or the majestic basketball player who sits behind you. People believe high school is all fun and drama -which is partly true if plan your high school story well . My definition of school is pretty much simple ,wasting six chief hours of our life learning chaff. That is actually why I have the worst grades in class . School's not everyone's shit, you know.

"It sure isn't, " a familiar voice interrupted my me-time. It was Ellie, one of my three best friends. Following her suite was her twin brother, Jeffery.
"Welcome to shit hole on planet I'mreadytomessyouup,  my dear girl giving life commentary to her reflection in the school washroom. ...." Nory chipped in.
She pulled us three in for a hug.
"How was your summer...?"Jeff asked.

"Kill me now," I scoffed.

"Common, kiddo. I bet you met a beautiful brown skin girl who made your heart beat more than your sexy cousin Steph does. .," Nory blurted before realising what she'd said.

"Oops ," she gasped. The bell rang.

"Saved by the bell, Nory. I'll save my punch. I've got two massive ones all for ya," I threatened.

"Who's gonna save me from this gay bitch, "she teased

"Careful, Nory. We don't wanna pull her out of the closet and damage her perfect 'love,Simon' coming out plan," Ellie said.

"Enough gay jokes," I announced ask we got closer to the class. They fell dead silent , the empty hallway echoing the last thing Jeff said
"Party pooper. "

It's gonna be a rough year.