For Now || Binhyuk

I.

Minhyuk couldn't believe what he just heard as he stares at the man in front of him.

"You.. You want me back?!" he finally said as Bin reached out to take his hand and he immediately moves it away.

"Minhyuk," Bin mumbles as he stared at Minhyuk's eyes pleadingly.

"No, Bin.. No.." there's a mix of anger and pain in Minhyuk's voice, "Why now??" he didn't wait for Bin to answer as he continued, "when you left me, when you asked me to let you go.. i've always hoped and prayed you'd come back to me.." tears are now falling from Minhyuk's eyes. He paused to look up, willing the tears to go back up his eyes..

He's cried enough tears for this man, he thought, this man that had been his bestfriend since he was a kid, this man that had given him love and also gave him pain, and now this man is standing in front of him saying he wants him back.

"I'm sorry Bin, but I'm way past that hoping now.." Minhyuk, having gathered enough strength to stop himself from crying even more, looks at Bin straight in the eye. He could now see Bin crying, tears continuously falling from his eyes.

"Hyuk, i love you.." Bin started, "I'm sorry for leaving you back then, for asking you to let me go.."

"love? you love me?! You left me Bin.. You asked for an out." Minhyuk started to raise his voice at Bin who broke eye contact with him and dropped his head.

"but you let me Hyuk.. you just let me.."

Bin is full-on sobbing now and Minhyuk couldn't help but soften at the sound. He reached out, hands placing on Bin's cheeks to guide his head up to look at him again. He managed to lift Bin's head up, looking through his red-rimmed eyes tugged something in his heart, this is the man he cared for so much about back then, he sighed, remembering the day he and Bin broke up.

"Bin.." Minhyuk started but Bin looked down again, "Bin.. look at me" he urged and Bin was forced to look him in the eye with his hands still on Bin's cheeks.

"Do you want to know why I just let you walk away?" he paused, not really waiting for an answer but Bin nodded anyway so he continued,

"it's your eyes Bin.. at that moment, i looked into your eyes and it's like they're screaming how you need me to let you go.." Minhyuk didn't even bother stopping his tears at this point..

His and Bin's relationship, it was far from perfect but they were happy. Minhyuk thought back then how lucky he was that he found Bin, his best friend turned lover. They've known each other for so long and Minhyuk was happy, he was content.. So when that day came, the day when Bin said they should break up, his world shattered right then and there.

There are a lot of things he tried to forget about that day, but one memory always stood out so clear in his mind- Bin's eyes, his pleading eyes. That was the first time he saw that look in Bin's eyes, the look that shows how he was unwanted by the person who owns his heart. Back then he didn't even bother asking 'why' or 'what happened', he just wanted to escape from that look, never wanting to see it again.

Minhyuk searched for Bin's eyes, "it's like you're suffocating and you just need me to give you air by letting you go.." his voice full of pain..
"and at that time, fuck- i loved you so much, i'm willing to give it to you even though it breaks my heart.." his eyes are now blurred by his tears, this moment breaking his heart all over again, "..even though it hurts so fucking much." Bin gasped as Minhyuk lets himself go. He did this to him, he hurt the only person he's ever loved. He held Minhyuk's arm and took a deep breath to compose himself. He had been ready back then to answer Minhyuk's 'whys' but none came.

"We were on the verge of breaking down Hyuk, both of us. We've been together for so long that we became so comfortable, so comfortable that it broke my heart because we slowly took things for granted, at one point it felt like we stopped putting in effort for our relationship.. It ate me up and yes, it suffocated me." Bin said between tears, his lips now trembling as he recounts the reason he asked for an out in their relationship.