The Class Agreement

42

As I laid awake for most of the night, wondering and recalling all the events in my life that got me to where I'm at now, I realized that my birthday was only a few weeks away.

I'm not sure where I got lost in translation — partially forgetting that I was turning twenty this year. But I lost excitement in my birthdays a while ago. Now they're just a constant reminder of getting ... old and the fact that I've been delayed in my schooling, setting me back two years.

I had no initial plans to celebrate my birthday any more than I did last year, but my birthday coming up didn't plague me — not nearly as much as the endless possibilities of how Athena and me could end up.

All of these free hours of the night had my brain working long and hard trying to figure out if her feelings were running deep as mine because I knew every time I saw her I would experience a new emotion.

Every time she met my gaze, my heart would flutter in my chest. Sometimes with so much intensity that I needed to get away from her to breathe. My body reacts to her in ways I couldn't explain. From my libido to my emotional state.

She was the only person who could relax me instantly and she was the only person I wanted to know me. Really know me. Inside and out. With no boundaries.

The crippling fear and possibility of her not feeling the same — losing her ... it's too much to bear. It made my entire body feel so heavy. I'd rather fall face-first into concrete.

I couldn't do the whole tug of war thing with my feelings anymore. I couldn't ignore how deep I was sinking and I didn't want to swim up. I was willing to let Athena take me all the way down and that was fucking terrifying.

Maybe I should've thought about that before I decided to have sex with her. Everyone knows sex complicates things. It's too late to regret that — it's not a regret at all.

Regret was something I've yet to feel with her. Regret was ugly and Athena is far from ugly. So far from those dark dreadful pits of terrible emotions.

What am I supposed to do?

Besides that, I was eager to hear all about Athena's night with Jason even though deep down I was annoyed and jealous because I couldn't spend time with her.

I forced some coffee and food into my stomach, my eyes drooping low. I put on forest green shirt and khaki colored pants. Most of my dark clothing was dirty, so I was stuck with an actual color palette for once.

By the time Tommy and I got to school, the coffee kicked in, allowing my mind to actually function. He noticed I was extremely quiet and barely responding to him — or to anything that was going on really. I was basically a shadow among mortals at the moment.

We got to Athena's class. Oliver was already sitting down, watching me walk to my seat. Today I was too caught up to care. I didn't have time for his shit. For his empty vengeance all because his brother wouldn't keep his filthy pig mouth shut.

Athena walked in before the final bell. She was in casual clothing today, looking energized and awake. The complete opposite of me.

She looked over at me, eyes bright and her aura even brighter. I gave her a small smile. The light she casts within me getting brighter by the second.

Classes felt short and before I knew it, it was time to see Athena during my lunch period.

I was nervous, not exactly ready to bring all of this up. I hadn't rehearsed what I was going to say. I was hoping I'd just have it figured out by the time this moment came around.