I Hate Her

Hatred

I checked the time on my phone. It was 2:23 AM. It felt like it should have been later. When you try and ignore the fact you're tired, it's a long process. You lay there for hours, watching things on your phone, staring out the window, playing video games, staring at the ceiling. You try not to close your eyes. It's painful but you do it because you don't want to be weak. You want to tell your friends the next day that you never slept all night because "you weren't tired" . Honestly, I know I'm destroying myself. Just let me do it.

I was thirsty so I got out of bed and walked to the kitchen to get some water. Where I live in a flat, it only took a matter of seconds before I got to the kitchen, that's when I realised my mother wasn't there. I looked around the flat but I couldn't see her anywhere. I angrily sighed because I knew she had gone out for "a little while" . We had an argument earlier that night and it was heated.

I knocked on Hayden's bedroom door but he didn't respond. I assumed that he was asleep. I mean I wasn't surprised, I would be asleep myself if I wasn't crying for hours. I got my water and went back to my bedroom. I just wanted it to end. I sat on my bed and cried, and cried. I don't really know why - I just felt like I needed to cry. I knew that my dad would never let me move into his house because he knew that I wouldn't be able to cope with his stupid rules. ( I mean who expects a 13 year old to be in bed and asleep by 9 PM? )

I texted my best friend Evie to see if she was still awake. As I expected, she was. Evie never sleeps. She gets a maximum of 3-4 hours of sleep because she is too obsessed with scrolling through tik tok and other social media platforms. I can't blame her, I enjoy it too. Evie said she was about to go to sleep so she couldn't talk. I knew it was a lie but I didn't want to question it. She knows that I'm going through a rough patch with my mum. She knows how much I want to kill her and how much she wants to kill me. I just need to relax.

I just want to be happy.