15 Days

Introduction (2)

:

"I don't need a 'solace' buddy, Ms. Jimenez." she argued to her psychiatrist.

"Miss, you can show me all you want that you're okay but i'm going blunt. You're just 19 but your brain is slowly being defenseless." The doctor clarified.

Does she need to slap me that? Well, yeah mahina na ang utak ko. It's becoming vulnerable to mortality, and I really need 'daw' to remove all the pent-up emotions.

I do that, twice a month. I don't know if it's really helping me but I feel better every time I go to the old nature park na hindi na nabibisita.

There's an old but cozy cottage there-- that I was allowed to refurnish. And I... cry and scream my heart out there. Literally. I scream until I taste blood in my throat.. weird right?

"That's why we ask you to have a solace buddy-- a project of my senior. You can choose.. uhmm..preferably a close
friend of yours. Para damayan ka--"

"Damayan? Ano damayan ako sa pagluluksa? Because my effing-over-dramatic brain is slowly getting wrapped in oblivion? And Ms. Jimenez," I turned around and walked out. "I don't have a friend. Thank you for the time. I'm leaving." I was so close to touching the doorknob---

"Amid..." --when she called me once again. Bwiset!! Pabitin si pinsan kong gurang!

"Nu yon?" I said, putting my hands in the pocket of my jacket while still facing the door of her office.

"Amid.. I didn't tell auntie na ginagamot kita. And also about your whereabouts kaya malaya ka pa rin. So please. Kahit ito man lang, subukan mo." Once again, she pleaded.

Urgh. My cousin is such a pain in the butt. She's been bugging me about this solace buddy thing. It's about finding someone to console you and comfort you.

In my words, ipagluluksa ang pagkamatay ni cerebrum and cerebellum mo.

"Nah. I can handle my mental and emotional health. I don't want other people to help me lobotomize myself."

"That's the point. Hindi sila makikisawsaw sa problema mo dahil sila rin mismo ang nasa sawsawan. Get me?"

"So..." I faced her and acted interested for a few seconds which gave her face some light. But then, I'm. Not. Interested~~!

"..we're basically just standing in the same point. Unmoving. Because we can't learn from each other. Both of us doesn't know how to sugarcoat the bittersweet essence of life. And so it ends. Bye gray-haired couz!"

"Take care Amid!!" Pahabol niyang sabi.

I waved my hand at her without looking back and made my way speedily out of the hospital while my head hung low. Still, i will always find an alibi to her offer. Becoz.. why not? Joke. Because I just can't.

I don't want other people to know what I'm really feeling. I overthink too much. I'm afraid that they'll call me over reacting and a dramatic bitch. But, that's how my brain sees it. I chose to keep silent...

I have monthly visits to the psychiatrist-- which happened to be my super annoying but my super love gray haired couz-- beacause of my brain!! Urgh brain! Y u so dramatic? Haha. Well, at least on one moment, i'm happy coz of my dying brain.

I went to the nearest coffee shop and pushed the door and- damn -the enticing smell of coffee slapped me. Right on the olfactory glands..

I went straight to the cashier and ordered without getting their attention. Kapansin-pansin naman talaga kasi ako.

Outside of my weak body and health deprived brain, I have a weird set of clothes and word choices that'll call me okay--weird.

Pink oversized jacket, cream colored knee length skirt and violet rubber shoes. Samahan mo pa ng bright yellow sling bag. Yep. You can call my clothes lively or frankly.. weird.