Starting is very interesting. I must say, very neat. It was detailed yet it felt poetic at the same time.
In chapter one, I feel like we could have used a little more detail. You started showing Willow as a normal human. So her reaction to people fighting in air is not satisfying. Only when you read further down, you realize she has powers. So it makes sense but this way of explaining irritates the readers. So I would suggest you edit that part a bit.
The terms you use in the story are seriously pretty awesome. They give a uniqueness to the story. But I want to say you need to style the writing better.
What I mean is that the paragraph breaking is not correct, which is leading to wrong interpretation of the story. Also add more thoughts from Willow as it is difficult to understand why she is behaving that way. Add more personality to your characters to make them attractive.
The story is being too dreamy. It's lovely trust me, just that it doesn't match the vibes that prologue was giving.
And dear, you really need to sort chapter 2. You can't just pop different names in conversations and then introduce characters later. I suggest, you first make the new character say a line, then you explain who he is and then continue with the next dialogue. That way it will be easier to understand.
Her going into the academy is a well written chapter. But you should not introduce each character so vividly. Readers lose count of their names and appearance like that. Just put the name and a few details. Only the main characters need detailed introductions.
You NEED to mention who is talking! You don't have to write the name after every dialogue but few mentions and names is really necessary. Especially in chapter 4. Also, when you are introducing a new term, you have to explain it immediately or else it will be very difficult to keep up with the story.
The pace of the story is a bit slow. If you can you can just omit few details and visits. Also you can add some fight or drama in between instead of explaining the school and rules to make the story more catchy.
In chapter 6 and 7 you wrote very long long paragraphs. You need to break them down into smaller ones or else readers might just skip it and miss out important details.
You said Willow wanted to find her parents. So when she found out about them, her reaction is not what we expect. It would be better if you add like a lot more emotions. Include all her sadness and insecurities. The way you are portraying Willow is too unreal. You have to add more vulnerability and flaws to make her feel real, so that there might be something with which the readers can relate and connect to the characters.
That's all I would say for you story. It is a unique and interesting plot but you have to weave it better. Just focus on the few things I said and your story will be perfect. Grammar is alright, but you have to be careful with the detailing portion. Only add details where it is needed and keep the story moving with a little bit of drama.
@Silverlight20 keep writing!! <3
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