strippa

capter 1 bently stretjcher jognson

Another day, another job. That's always what the fuckin' alarm clock that our wise-ass boss James fuckin' Flouglemire put in specifically to annoy the shit outta us. Every single fuckin' morning it screams in your ear until you finally get up. That's why you gotta get up an hour before it actually goes off so you don't burst a fuckin' eardrum. I'm used to this shit by now, but they don't make life any easier. I can tell that Daniel kid don't like the alarm. I don't blame him, but it's funny to watch him complain about it. It's around 3:00 A.M. and the alarm clock rings in an hour. I get up from bed, dress out of my pyjamas into something more obviously presentable. What, ya think I'm gonna fuckin' go out in my pyjamas? Fuck no, I always go out in my custom tailored trench coat. I had around I dunno, a gazillion of them tailored with all of my money. I almost went broke 'cause of that. I slip into my trench coat, put on one of my many fedoras, straighten my shit out, and waltz out the door to get some food. In the hallway, I see one of the only respectable people on this fucking prison. It's my buddy, Guts. Maybe more then just a buddy. I dunno. Maybe. She's been trying to be my friend since the first day she got in, but whatever, I gave in. 

"Hey, Stretchy!~ 👋" she (annoyingly) shouts. I sigh as I glance over to her. I murmur a greeting. "How's your morning, Stretchy?" she would ask me. I'd give the same response ai always give. "Always shit as usual." I mean, it's always true. Waking up at 3:00 every morning and having to go up and deal with the same hooligans every fuckin' day of the week is bound to drive someone insane. Guts face turns into a frown, literally. "Well, Stretchy, that's not very positive. ☹️" I sigh as I know what comes next if I don't give her a fuckin' smile. A thirty minute bullshit speech on why positivity is everything or some shit. I give her the widest false smile I can and her face finally goes back to a smiley. "There we go! Be happy, Stretchy! We got work to do! ☺️" Yeah, whatever. Be positive this, be positive that. We eventually walk to the dreaded Jazz Elevator. This is the elevator that separates the average goon from us, the above average goons who are treated the shit the same. We get to live in better rooms then they do. We get these fuckin' old timey fancy rooms and they're the only thing keeping me from running outta here forever. Anyway, Guts presses a button and we ascend.

Some jazz music that I've heard a million times already. I can already tell we reached our floor, but as always, James decided to fuckin' make it so that the elevator doesn't open until the fuckin' jazz finishes. I don't mind jazz, it's the only music that I can tolerate, but this shit is a fuckin' waste of time and he's all about not wasting time. Fuckin' hypocritical fuckwad. While I'm thinking about how this is some bullshit, I didn't even realize I was glancing over towards Guts with my big ol' yellow eye until she speaks up. "Do you need anything, Stretchy? 🙂". I snap outta my trance and I genuinely stutter like a fuckin' idiot. I usually never stutter. People who make a fool outta me usually get bumped off. Fuckos get some special
treatment and I stretch 'em until they're as tall as me. Of course, none of them fuckin' survive because your spine doesn't like being stretched until it pops. That's not an option right now 'cause so I actually give a shit about her. "Ww- wwwhat? No, I'm fuckin' good." Good god, it pains me thinking about it. Guts tilts her head. "Okay then!" She smiles at me and finally, the jazz music finished. With a little ding the elevator door opens and we exit. We exchange goodbyes and we're about to part ways before Guts suddenly pipes up. "Oh! Oh! Wait, Stretchy! I forgot to tell you about something!"

She turns around and rushes towards me. I glance backwards. "Wwwwwhaddya want." I wouldn't normally give a shit if someone wanted to tell me something, but hey, Guts is Guts. "Well, if you're going to be negative about it, I'm not going to tell you. 😤 " This fuckin' bitch.. I'm really aboutta cave in to this shit just to hear whatever she spews outta her mouth. "Ssssorry, whatever. Just tell me what ya need 'cause I gotta go make someone cough up some cents they owe us". Guts face turns back into her usual smile and she starts talking about a.. friend. Huh, okay. "There's a really cool bug girl I met the other day!". "Wwwwwow. And I should care, why?" I respond. "Because I'm inviting her over today! ☺️" Oh fuck no. You gotta be kiddin' me. We already had this shit happen. We invite guests over once, invite them back, then they become regulars, and now they fuckin' work for us. And with whatever the fuck happened with Daniel and Puck, I'm not dealing with this shit again. "Yyyyyeah, thats nice and all, but I don't fuckin' think so. We don't need more visitors cause you or James are gonna fuckin' recruit even more strangers into the mob!" I rub the bridge of my nose as I process this dumbass situation. "Aww, don't be a downer, Stretchy!~" Psssh, yeah. That's what it is. Me being a downer. "She's really nice and you'll like her! 😃". I sigh 'cause arguing back would be like arguing to a brick wall. "Yyyyy'know what, I don't care anymore. If she doesn't touch our shit or rats on us, I'm good." Guts face turns into a big smiley face. "You're the best, Stretchy!~ 😃". "Dooon't mention it." Her face turns into a waving hand. "Okay, I'll see you later then! Have fun loan sharking, Stretchy!~ 👋" I tip my hat as I watch her finally leave. Fuckin' damn it..

How could this day get any worse.