strippa

capter 13 Mr. Dick Scars

"..and that is why, I believe that these flowers would do nicely for the lady that you wish to dazzle! Why, if it wasn't for my fascination for fancy flowers, I wouldn't have the knowledge.."

Mr. Fucklemire just seems to fuckin' drone on and on about stupid flower sissy bullshit. I don't even know why I listened to 'em and came here.

Oh yeah! That's right, last time I fuckin' didn't listen to him my fuckin' crown jewels almost paid the fuckin' price. Jesus, that was scary. Damn spikes..

The woman who runs the stupid store walks up to us. "Do you need any help, gentlemen?"

"Ah! Hello, madam! Yes, if you would please, my good friend STRETCHER is in dire need of a bouquet of flowers! We have some sense of urgency as he must ask someone out and I believe someone else is going to beat him to the race, ohohoho!"

That fuckin' prick. Nobodys beatin' me in no race. Fuckin' piece of shit. I scowl.

"Oh, a little bit of rivalry? That sounds like fun. You seem like the kind of guy who doesn't like flowers, so.. hmm.."

"Fffffuck do ya mean by that?" I say.

Her eyes widen. "Oh! Nothing, nothing. I'm just saying your.. demeanor isn't very.. friendly."

Yeah, okay, I guess that's what Pissa meant when she called me a prick. Oh yeah, speakin' of Pippa! She said her favorite flowers were foxgloves and hibiscuses. Maybe I could get some too.

"Heyyyy, actually, I know what I want."

James and the owner freeze up. They look over to me, confused as hell.

"Ffffoxgloves or hibiscuses. Don't care which one. Just gimme it." I say.

James tilts his head, genuinely confused.

"Oh! That's what the last customer ordered! What a coincidence. Let me get some for you." The lady walks off.

"Hmmm, just a coincidence, STRETCHER! Ohohoho!" James chuckles. Fuckin' bitch.

"Yyyyeah, yeah, yeah whateva'. So what do I say when I give her the fuckin' flowers." I ask. I genuinely don't fuckin' know.

Love wasn't ever somethin' for me. I fuckin' hate just about everyone.

"Ah! That is a very easy question, STRETCHER! Just show all of your true emotions! Why, that's the easiest way to anyone's heart! Sincerity!" James pumps his fist up dramatically to show emphasis.

But this person annoys me. Annoys me a fuckin' lot.

"Ssssshe probably don't like me back. I'm willin' to bet she won't even fuckin' like me back."

"Am I genuinely going to tell you genuine advice? Don't say that nonsense! I do not care if you get rejected or not, I simply wish to see where this is going!"

Yeah, I forgot he didn't give a shit.

"Aaaaalright, alright! I will, I will! Fuckin' shit.."

"Just what I wanted to hear, ohohoho!" James chuckles.

The flower lady finally comes back with a bouquet of flowers.

"Thank you, madam! We will be taking our leave now!" James reaches into his suit and pulls out an entire gold fuckin' bar and he drops it onto the floor. "Keep the change!"

He adjusts one of the watches hands and we fuckin' time warp.

...

And just like that, we completely skipped us walkin' back to the fuckin' warehouse.