Red Rose (Steven X Red Steven)

2

The silence had never been this noisy in Stevan's room. Normally, he would be playing soft music or strumming his guitar or just curled up in his fort in his balcony, gazing at the beautiful stars or tending to the variety of plants he has there. There were many things Stevan could do to spend this perfect evening but leaving trails of blood and sobbing was the last thing he had in mind. Yet here he was. 

Tick Tock.

Morse poked her nose against the glass of her enclosure, she could smell the sharp scent of blood from her master which made her quite restless. The blood that stained the carpet is now dried. The clothes which Stevan wore earlier for his jog is strewn across the hamper in the corner, the bag of frozen rats left on the side, creating a dark blotch on the carpet since the rats have long thawed. Either from how long it sat there or from the heat Stevan gave out earlier. The pain made the boy struggle to get to his personal bathroom that was connected to his room. Normally, Stevan would be very conscious of the mess that he was leaving behind. Since Pearl raised him well with an awareness of such things, he has certain standards and rituals that he heavily commits himself to otherwise it would gnaw at him later. He has a suspicion that he may have inherited his mother's OCD in cleaning. 

Tick Tock. 

But none of that matters right now. His mind is all fuzzy and his ears are ringing. He flung open his medicine cabinet and got out cotton, rags, hydrogen peroxide, and pain killers. Anything to get the pain away. He felt sick, his flesh is wide open for him to see what's beneath his skin. He was sure he ripped some muscles which is why he's having difficulty in walking (limping), aside from the overwhelming pain that is making him run dry from tears and his body shake.  
He heaved out a sob as he used the sink, countertop, and towel rack as support as he dragged his naked body to the tub. He's losing blood that is making him more light-headed. He didn't know what to do. He was afraid. He's hurt. He's angry at himself, he deserves this right? He deserves to be hurt. He hurts those around him so he has this coming to him sooner or later. Karma is a real bitch. 

Tick Tock.

He filled the tub with cold water, he doubts it'll matter because he's sure that it'll warm up sooner or later. He made it as cold as possible. 
Once done, he started at the water's surface for a while before he took a deep breath, he bit his tongue hard enough for him to make it bleed when he dipped his wounded leg in, the cold water hurts so bad that it's sending unpleasant tingles in his body. He lost balance and ended up slamming into the tub, he hit his head on the side which made his headache worse. This day suddenly took a huge dip in a matter of seconds. He readjusted himself, hissing at the pain in his leg, blood leaked out, even more, turning the water into a light shade of pink. Blood kept leaking out. Gems can't die from blood loss, but humans can. He tasted copper in his mouth, realizing that he bit his lip too hard. Again. Lars always worries over him whenever he does that out of anxiousness. Lars deserves better than him. He knows that. 

'I'm a horrible person... I didn't deserve him...' He thought bitterly to himself. People think he's a sweet kid but... Everyone has their dark side. And he showed that to Lars. Even if he didn't mean to, it was still his fault. 

Tick Tock.

He laid in the tub for what seemed like hours, listening to the haunting sound of his clock. Was that always this noisy? His mind swirled with self-hate. His mother always told him that loving himself is important, because other people, like herself, couldn't bring themselves to do so.  Self-love is difficult when you hate everything about yourself. His mother has that. She hates herself too much that she often beats herself up for something he wasn't quite sure of. But she never let Stevan be the same. She always reminded him to love himself because no one else will understand him the way he does to himself. He wished his mother could do the same instead of her being... Depressed. Pearl always tells him that he's the best thing that ever happened to her and that having him in her life changed her. For better. He knew that wasn't enough.