Amethyst 4. Ascend

e l e v e n : r i p p e d

Surreal.

I felt like I was merely a spectator on Obscura.

I lay silently in my bed, gazing up at the high ceiling like I had countless times before. My mind for once, wasn't wandering. I simply floated. I had never felt so detached with reality as if nothing on Obscura could root me in place. As if my anchor had been wrenched away from me. My reason. My entire soul.

It was almost a month after my training had resumed at the Sognare, although, I was still unable to wield my powers with as much dexterity as I had once. My emotions had been intimately intertwined with Starlight, and now all I felt, all I saw, was darkness.

"Are you sure you don't want to come, Zeke?"

I sighed softly, burying my face in the pillow. My dad's gentle voice coaxed me for the thousandth time. "No."

"I'm..." he took a shuddering breath. "I'm scared of leaving you alone, Zeke."

I didn't answer. The implications of his words were clear. He was afraid I would take my own life. I couldn't find it in myself to respond at all. The frivolity of life, love, relationships was once again astonishingly clear to me. It had been better when I hadn't learnt to feel. It had been less cruel.

"I will be okay, Dad," I spoke, finally turning to look at him. He sat near the edge of the bed, his brows furrowed as he gazed at me. My stomach suddenly felt hollow as in took in his haggard experience. He looked like he was sick. Just like he had a month ago, except, he also seemed to have lost weight.

"Dad...you look awful. Are you-?"

He shook his head and sighed, "This whole wedding shenanigan has really taken it out of me. I will be glad when it is over."

I wasn't sure why my father wanted me to attend Elijah's wedding so desperately. A part of me told me it was simply because he was afraid of what I would do if I was left alone for too long. With my history, I knew his concerns weren't misplaced. But I had made a deal with Azure, and I planned to keep it. I had reached the lowest point of my life where I could derive sadistic pleasure from watching someone else end me.

"You should take a vacation or something after this," I said, my voice still muffled.

He smiled softly. "Yeah, maybe somewhere nice and serene. Would you like to accompany?"

I didn't answer right away, playing with a stray thread on my bedsheet instead. "Maybe."

He rose to his feet and leaned over me. I shut my eyes as he planted a kiss on top of my head. It felt strange to feel affection. It felt strange that I felt no comfort whatsoever. It felt strange that I would never feel happiness again.

I wasn't even mildly curious about the wedding and proceeded to spend my day lying in my room. Through my haze, I could hear music. It felt strange that Elijah was getting married. I knew that the marriage was merely a political alliance, but it was nevertheless overwhelming.

I wondered how things would have been different if Ezra hadn't died. Would we have sorted out our differences? Would I have been in the midst of the celebrations today? It was astounding how little I knew about my half-siblings. Even less than I would about strangers.

The day crept painstakingly towards dusk. The soft golden hues that seemed so achingly familiar transcended gradually into vibrant scarlet that splattered the sky with its vermillion hues. I was engrossed in gazing at nothing, lying on my stomach on my bed when there was a knock on my poor. I sat straight up, wondering if my dad had returned and called out. "Who is it?"

"Me," My heart jumped to my throat at Meredith's voice. My stomach clenched nervously. Why was she here?

"May I come in, Ezekiel?"