Authors note ~ this might be hella traumatic for some of you but I read this book that had me thinking about life
Jared's p.o.v
So me and the boys just won another game tonight so we went to celebrate - Jah, stoke, Isiah, and coolie all went to get pizza I had gotten drunk the boys were tipsy all but Jah he doesn't drink we stayed for a while stoke didn't want to drive because it was my car and he knows how I am about certain things
so we left I drove Isiah had his feet on the dash I started swerving unable to see the road clearly due to blurry vision and I swerved into the overpass then everything went black moments later I then come to "JAY JAY MY LEGS " I heard Isiah screaming for me to help but I was in so much shock not functioning properly to what I was seeing his legs went through the windshield Jah them gained conceousness they realized what was going on they got out the car and started cracking the windshield to get his legs free I joined in not knowing what to do and moments later
"BOOOM" the car had blew up throwing us to the ground "NOOOOOOOOO" I yelled running back to the car stoke grabbed me because I was willing to jump in the fire I just lost one of my best friends
9 months time skip.
I couldn't coope with this shit i felt like it was all my fault my girlfriend and friends try so hard to talk me out of this saying it's not but I could've saved him I hate life it's not for me I just can't do it°°°° my phone ranged for the 8th time today I decided to answer because I knew they were gonna keep calling "what" I say plainly "that's all I get " I hear my amazingly sweet innocent girlfriend ask "I don't feel like talking" I tell her "you never do Jared all I want is you back" she told me with her voice breaking a little that's the last thing I wanted was to make her feel lonely
" I'm sorry but I'm just not feeling well" I told her she hung up on me I knew she was crying by now see why do I fuck up so bad that's all I can do I haven't been to school everyone knows what happen I can't face them with the mindset it's my fault weeks go on as I lay in my bed my parents don't even pay me attention to know that I feel this way each day
I dig my grave now I'm just going on with life until death calls my name( ionk fw youngboy but his music clutch) I felt bad for pushing my baby away she been here through thick and thin I can't image life without her I have to make this right
I go to school I got a lot of eye balls on me but I tried to ignore it I had to host this talent show for Armani so I got there she was so happy to see me "you came " she said literally about to jump on me she couldn't stop kissing me "okay okay I'm here" I said kinda happy, hours later the show still went on I was chilling backstage when this wave of anger flushed over me just thinking that siah is really gone and we all could've saved him if we had tried
"babe who's - can you get off my back I got this damn" I raised my voice cutting her off I never did that to her this was the first time and after all these years of knowing her she's very sensitive "I can't i can't do this anymore your distant you don't give a damn about me I have done nothing but try to help you and you push me away I love you with all my heart but I can't keep going through this all your doing is hurting me and making me feel worthless all these years were built on a lie I won't nothing part of " she told me walking away
I didn't know what to do or say my heart broke into to pieces officially I didn't have anyone to turn to at this point I left school i had officially lost my world. Hyperventilating was a understatement i was having a full fledged freak out ( shout out to Ethan 👀) as I got in my car I sped home rambling for my dad's pistol " fuckkkkk" i yelled not being able to find it i rambled for an hour tyen eventually found it right above their bed as snatched it off the shelf grabbing a piece of paper and pencil
I'm so sorry I let you down i you deserve happiness that's nothing I can give you right now-armani I feel like I'm trapped under ice and no one can hear my cries "HELP HELP" I scream at the loudest of my ability but no one fucking saves me they just let me drown and freeze to death I'm not blaming you for anything it's all me I love you with everything in me mom and dad I'm so sorry too it shouldn't have gone this far but I needed help YOU GUYS WEREN'T THERE FOR ME ITS LIKE I WAS INVISIBLE also to Jah stoke and coolie I love you guys so much but it's time for me to leave ~jared
I wrote then thought to myself she needs to hear my voice this last time so I called
Hello
I love you but it's my time
Jared what- the line clicks
then i grabbed the gun held it up to my neck FAA the gun went as I blew my brain out collapsing on the bed my mom had just got back "Jared why did you leave-AAAAAAHHHHH OH GOD" she cried running to the bed holding my corpse grieving badly she was able to contact everyone she knew telling thsm the heartbreaking news moments later the hospital was pacoed with family and friends all cryihg due to the lost of me they pronounced me dead on the scene.
2 months later
"Okay class today we're going to be doung something special as to writing a letter to Jared about how we are feeling towards him" our teacher Mr Trinidad told everyone "after you guys are done bring forward you letter and you can leave" he said to everyone
Jahseh p.o.v
When he said something about writing a note to him it sparked something in me it was pure anger and disappointment all over again so I got to writing
Your a selfish coward you chose to leave us you made this decision on your own you didn't think about Armani or anything you took her husband away you took our best friend away you could've come to us if you felt this way we could've worked something out but you blew everyone that cared away I hate that you didn't give us more time more time with you what you did was a sin that you now have to live with for the rest of eternity I hope your happy now we don't have a part of you~ jahseh
After I finished I put it on his desk and put my head down trying not to cry because of so much pain I felt then what I had to go home to didn't make it better later I was walking down the hall for my grandma to pick me up "Jah?" I heard my name
To be continued........
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