The Last Damsel - Prompt Challenge

Day Eight - Eight

Just a quick note to say this snippet features an almost-argument and Cedrix being a prat, and is therefore more angsty than my usual writings. If that's not your thing, feel free to skip!

"Cedrix!! Guess what I found!"

"Hmm?" Cedrix looked up from the sword he'd been slowly polishing, quickly moving the blade out of the way as his husband bent down to kiss him hello. Tim had something hidden behind his back, and was practically bouncing with excitement.

"What?"

"Guess!"

Despite his insistence, Cedrix suspected Tim would be at least slightly disappointed were he to guess correctly. Luckily, he had absolutely no idea.

"I have no idea." He said.

"Tada!"

With a flourish, Tim whipped out the mystery object. Cedrix leant back before it could hit him in the face.

"The Hermits Guide to Friendship," He read, "Volume Eight?"

"Isn't it great!" Said Tim, flopping down beside Cedrix. Cedrix only just managed to move his sword out of the way in time. "I thought they'd stopped making them."

"So did I." Muttered Cedrix.

Usually, Tim's enthusiasm was infectious. This was not one of those times.

"So much for C-J's retirement." He scoffed, returning his attention to his blade and refusing to look up as Tim began to leaf through the pages. Why Tim was so enamoured with that ridiculous book he couldn't fathom.

He continued running his sword over the whetstone, annoyed at Tim for breaking his concentration. Of course, the real reason he was annoyed was the fact that Tim apparently though their marriage was going so spectacularly badly that he felt the need to seek out advice from a proven charlatan, and Cedrix was well aware of this. Consequently, he did what he always did when faced with his own insecurities.

He stubbornly ignored it.

"I think this is a different CJ," Tim was saying, "The writing style is different."

Well, it was nice to know Cedrix hadn't given Tim's tower away in vain. Although if whoever had replaced Diago as CJ Themir ever wanted an out, Cedrix was staying well away.

Tim continued to read. Cedrix continued to pretend he wasn't sulking. Eventually, however, he couldn't resist a sarcastic quip.

"Any good advice?"

Impervious to Cedrix's bad mood, Tim was his usual cheerful self as he replied.

"Of course not."

Cedrix could have told him that without even opening the cover.

"Perhaps you should ask for your money back." He sneered, well aware that he was trying to start an argument and equally as aware that Tim wouldn't rise to it. Somehow, that just made him more annoyed.

Sure enough, Tim just giggled.

"I didn't buy it for the advice, silly."

Cedrix just grunted, then almost cursed as Tim's hand reached for his own. Usually this would have be fine, but usually Cedrix wasn't holding a razor sharp blade.

"Careful!" He snapped, jerking the sword, and his hand, out of Tim's reach. Still refusing to look at his husband he abruptly stood, stepping around the whetstone to place the weapon back on the rack. He was still angry. He pretended it wasn't at himself.

"Ceddy?"

Even the childhood nickname wasn't enough to get Cedrix to turn around. His insistence on ensuring the sword he'd returned was perfectly straight wasn't fooling anyone. Least of all himself.

"Why did you buy the damned thing?" He muttered, only half intending Tim to hear him. The armoury's echo made the decision for him, sending his words reverberating around the suddenly too silent room.

Even so, Tim's reply was barely audible.

"It reminded me of how we met."

Guilt wasn't a sensation Cedrix was familiar with, but he felt it now. He'd heard the tremble in Tim's voice, and suddenly he hated himself. Truthfully, his anger was at himself, terrified that he hadn't been a good enough husband, and he'd been heartless enough to turn that anger on Tim.

If he could do that, maybe he wasn't a good husband after all.

All the fight drained out of him. He returned to Tim's side on autopilot, not looking up even after he sat down, instead staring at his hands without seeing them. It was only when he felt a hesitant squeeze that he even realised Tim had slowly laced their fingers together.

"Ceddy?"

"I'm sorry." They were usually the hardest words for Cedrix to say, but now they were easy. Almost too easy.

"I'm sorry." He said again. They still weren't enough.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No!" Cedrix's head snapped up. Tim was watching him with a caution that broke Cedrix's heart, eyes watery and lips trembling.

"No." Cedrix repeated, and in an instance his anger was back. This time, it was directed exactly where it belonged. At himself.

"No," He said again, stronger this time, "I was being a prat."

Startled, Tim let out a watery laugh. Taking a risk, Cedrix squeezed his hand. Tim squeezed back.

Suddenly Cedrix found himself wanting to talk, to explain to Tim everything he feared and everything he was insecure about. To explain that he'd never once imagined himself being loved by someone so incredible, and that there were times he never thought he'd be worthy of it. To explain his fears that one day Tim would look at him and see all his imperfections, and decide he just wasn't worth it anymore. To explain that seeing that book had reminded him just how little he knew about relationships, and just how scared he was that one day he would screw up so irreparably that he'd lose Tim forever.

He wanted to explain all of this.

He didn't know how.

Somehow, Tim understood it anyway.

"You can be a prat," He agreed, and this time it was Cedrix that laughed even as he cried, "But I love you anyway. Just like how I can be clumsy and unsafe and you love me anyway."

"It's easy to love you." Cedrix sniffed. At some point the two of them had gravitated toward each other, and now Cedrix closed the gap, resting his forehead against his husband's. He felt tears on his cheeks. They could have been his, or they could have been Tim's. It was impossible to tell.

"It's never easy to love someone," Tim countered, so close Cedrix could feel the words as he spoke them, "But it's worth it. And we don't need a book to tell us what to do when things go wrong."

He gave Cedrix's hand one final squeeze.

"We'll just work it out together."