Just a dream ~ Jess Mariano

~Chapter 7~

Emma's POV

The morning started out a bust between jess and dean and myself, I was hoping the drive to hartford would have been much better boy how I kid myself.

"Em just breathe calm down. In through your nose and out through your mouth" dean whispered his hand on the small of my back rubbing in comforting circles.

"Dean I can't.. why did I agree to this why did anyone let me do this" I panted my world was crumbling,my heart felt like it was going to explode.

"Were almost to hartford you got this I promise" dean whispered I didn't have to look at him to know the pitiful look he was giving me.

My words became stuck in my throat as I started panicking and trying to unclip my seatbelt so I could get out..I needed to get out now. Dean got out of the passenger side quickly,yanking my drivers door open and unclipping my seat belt. I burst out of the driver's door as my world began to spin.

"Woah emma breathe,relax come on for me" dean whispered as his tall lanky frame caught my 5'2 frame In his slender arms. " I cant-" i tried to speak as i panted out the breathes. "No talking your fine I dont wanna hear it, the only thing I want to hear is breathing" his arms lifted me gently putting me on the jeeps hood, the cold frosty wind nipped at my nose and cheeks but I had hoped it would calm me down. To any car that was passing by we either looked crazy or maybe a cute couple just taking a stop to talk.

~15 minutes later~

I had finally calmed down dean stood in front of me the entire time rubbing reassuring circles on my thighs my head rested against his shoulder, with my breaths finally coming in and out as normal. "Not how I thought I was spending my sunday" dean chuckled at me as I leant up and looked up at him. "Yeah mine either..its only going to get more interesting for you at the Gilmore's establishment" I had chuckled back watching his face blanche. "Jeez I hope they like me.." he whispered suddenly feeling overwhelmed and nervous. "Of course they will if not I'll have something to say dont worry" I nodded my head quickly knowing what my grandmother could be like, he nodded absentmindedly. "Do you want me to drive up or you wanna drive now?" He asked staring at me intently his hand on my knee. "Maybe best if you drove you'd get there quicker" I said looking defeated with myself as he helped me down. "We will try again. It wont always be like this I promise." He smiled opening the passenger door for as he slipped in the driver's door. Upon listening to my directions we got there safely. Pulling in rory came running out of the door opening the drivers door, nodding at me as dean hugged her tightly, rory smiling at me over his shoulder. I suddenly felt very awkward about last night. She knew nothing.. she didnt know what dean had bombshelled on me last night. "Goodnight sis?" Rory was already wiggling her eyebrows at me, probably knowing all about jess staying over from mom. Her and mom were thick as thieves, me and mom not so much, just the way our dynamic worked , I hated mothering them and as much as my grandmother was a pain, I was much closer to her. Before I could awkwardly stutter out a sentence on how just a bad sister I was I heard grandma call us from inside, distracting rory as she pulled dean towards the house who looked back at me shaking his head a silent agreement the he was to tell her first...I hope.

"Emma there you are, we thought you had gotten lost!" My grandmother smiled pulling me in tightly. "Sorry grandma traffic because of the snow" I looked sheepishly down at my feet not wanting to tell her about my panic attack. "Emma that you?" My grandfather called from his study. "Yes grandpa its us!" I called a new maid taking mine and Dean's jackets. "That's a lovely shirt Dave!" My grandmother said excitedly. "Its dean grandma" rory sighed grabbing his hand and pulling him into the living parlor. "Dean right my apologies!" She called to them. "Now emma tell how did your night go? Were you safe your mother said you had a friend stay with you?" My grandmother finished looking at me placing her arm around  me pulling me to the kitchen, it wasn't very hard to tell which twin she favorited. My hands began to sweat I didnt want to tell her about jess. Shed call him a hoodlum and then she would have to meet him and that i didnt want, they wouldn't approve. "Oh uh yeah-" i started but she cut me off passing my favorite tea cup out of the set she had. "Lorelai said it was a gentleman friend" she rose her eyebrow at me, making me silently curse my mother. "Oh yes uh his names jess hes Luke's nephew, my age super good with leah, he got stuck there during the storm and I felt bad and I didnt want to send him out-" I babbled on and on even the part about dean, as she poured the tea she listened intently. "I did not mean to tell you all that I'm sorry grandma, rory cant know!' I whispered frantically worried that my grandfather or rory herself was floating around. "Nonsense tell her what?" She winked smiling at me her perfectly dry cleaned wrinkled at the elbow as she took a sip of her tea to test the sugar ratio. " thank you" I hugged her tightly catching her off guard as she patted my back. "Oh hugging did we tell her the good news!" My grandfather asked bustling in laying the newspaper on the counter. "Nonsense richard we will tell them together" she smiled excitedly as we headed into the parlor together where rory sat smoothing and fussing over Dean's shirt. "Ah and you are?" My tall grandfather even towered over dean slim statue, behind my grandfather I gave dean a nod as to get up and shake his hand, he nodded quickly standing almost tripping over himself, shaking my grandfather's hand tightly. "Its.
Uh good to meet you sir" dean smiled politely, my grandfather looked over him, I seen the disapproving look begin to fill his eyes but before I could say anything I cut him off, "so rory says you have good news to tell us?" Sitting on the edge of my grandmother's chair, making my grandfather turn towards me quickly excitedly. "Ah yes!"

"Rory wed like to pay for college!" My grandmother said excitedly. Rory had already had her heart set on Harvard,but grandparents were yale alumni's I had no doubt in my mind  that they would change her mind before the year was over. Myself I wanted New York, I wanted a writing degree at Juilliard.  "What really?" Rory said almost choking on her cup of coffee as she stared between pur grandparents. "Of course!" My grandmother smiled, knowing no doubt this is why only me and rory were invited once our mother found out she was gonna have a complete cow!. I zoned back in with dean looking at me worriedly from his chair as rory hugged my grandparents tightly. "We want to do it for you as well emma" my grandfather smiled as he looked in my direction. "Really? But grandpa julliard is just so expensive!" I whispered. Plus I had leah I dont even know if I had time for college, I chewed on my lip worriedly. "Of course! You dont get to say no" my grandmother smiled hugging me tightly as I done my chorus of hugs, I started thinking about myself and Leah's future now. I didnt have a father figure for her I was going to be a single mother. What was I to do? Sure my mother raised 2..but she didnt graduate community college until this year. I felt my anxiety creeping up on me as I watched my grandfather conversate with rory and my grandmother was talking to the maid about how supepr was to take alittle longer for us. I excused myself luckily getting out into the kitchen before my breathing hitched, I opened the freezer door, the frosty air helping my breathing patterns.

"You ok em?" Dean had asked suddenly appearing next to me. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine" I whispered from inside the freezer, my voice muffled as I scratched off some ice with my nail. " come on you had your thinking face on em? What's going that beautiful noggin of yours?" I could hear the smile in his voice. " I'm just worried for the upcoming year I have leah I have to worry about school etc ya know?" I whispered as I closed the freezer door my hand against my forehead as I leaned against the counter. "We will figure it out. I'll help I promise, we can bounce off schedules" he smiled. "Dean what if I'm in New York?" I said looking down at the marble exterior of the granite counter top. "Then I'll move to a college in New York!"he said proudly standing up straighter with his hand on my shoulder. "Hey there you are mom needs the jeep" rory smiled popping her head in the door, I nodded watching dean follow as my grandmother came in the kitchen my grandfather in the foyer already saying goodbye to rory and dean. "He loves you and leah" she noted nodding her head at me, "I know" I whispered quilty, "nothing to be guilty about emma" she said smiling at me as she rooted around in the medicine cabinet. "I'm worried about school and leah" I sighed watching her shift through paper medicine bags.  "Ah yes about leah, me and your grandfather want to help as well we want to pay a nanny or at least childcare for you so you can go to school- AH ha there you are" she said standing up quickly closing the drawer and locking it, passing me a bag. "Grandma you do not have to do that" I said shocked. "Nonsense we are starting this year dont worry about it, it's not a shame to have help emma, it's a shame not to accept it" she said hugging me tightly, "thank you grandma" I whispered as she squeezed my frame tightly. "What's in the bag?" I asked looking at it funny. "Its antivan, for your anxiety itll stop the the panic attacks" she said ushering me to the front door, how did she know? "Well thank you" I said to both grandparent as they hugged me tightly, my grandfather helping me in my jacket and sending me out the door to the jeep dean already sat in the passenger seat, looking down worriedly knowing I had to drive I took a sip of my water and took an Ativan as rory looked at me funny as we started our long drive back to stars hollow.