Lucky - Naekusaba

Chapter Nine: When I Saved Him

I had never felt anything like this before. I barely had any idea of what was happening, but I'd picked up a few things about love from the few YA books I'd had a chance to read.

First things first, I couldn't just ask him out straight away. Just because you loved someone didn't mean they felt the same way, and if you asked them out without knowing for sure if they liked you back, there was a chance they'd reject you. But you also couldn't wait for too long, or you'd end up in the friendzone, and they'd never want to date you. But there was always a chance that they'd never end up wanting to date you and you wouldn't have a chance even if you got the timing perfect... it was all extremely complicated and I didn't understand the half of it. And even with all that, there was another important factor I had to consider.

Should I act on these feelings in the first place?

I wanted to, probably more than I'd ever wanted anything. But another thing I knew about love was that it didn't always last. Maybe if I waited long enough, these feelings would go away and I wouldn't have to deal with this complicated mess at all. That sounded good... but I also wouldn't get to be with Makoto, and like I said, I really wanted to be with Makoto.

Eventually, though, I managed to figure out a plan. An extremely simple plan to the point that I'm not sure if it could be called a plan at all. A plan to kill two birds with one stone, to figure out definitively whether I would side with Junko or Makoto, despair or hope, at the same time as I would find out whether I would ever have a chance with Makoto. But if I wanted any chance of an accurate result, I would have to take my time. As I've mentioned, I've never been very smart, but I knew enough. To get the result I wanted, I would need to spend time with Makoto, and lots of it.

It would've been hard enough if Junko hadn't been watching me like a hawk. My complete lack of skill in social situations was matched only by her keen wit and eye for deception. If I wanted to get close to Makoto, I would need some kind of excuse.

Unfortunately, before I could get around to that, Junko caught on.

The first time it happened wasn't such a big deal. She caught me going back to the hotel and demanded to know what the hell was going on.

"And don't give me any of that 'I need more time' bullshit! We both know full well that you've had all the time in the world to kill that moron, and yet... he lives. Idiot boy still lives." She leaned in close, her face expressionless. "Why might that be, huh?"
"I... I..." I had no idea of how I was going to get myself out of this one. "I had a talk with him about hope," I blurted. The moment I said it I wanted to punch myself in the face.

Junko stared at me. "What."

Deciding that if I was going to dig my own grave I should at least do a thorough job of it, I continued. "He agreed that despair was easier, but also he said that when hope paid off it was way better than despair, so I thought... well..."
My sister grabbed me by the collar and pulled until my face was centimeters away from hers. "Why the HELL would you tell me that? And why the FUCK would you do it in the first place?"

That burst of manic confidence abandoned me. My shoulders slumped. "I don't know. I'm sorry, Junko."

She released her grip on my shirt, and I stumbled back into a wall. "That little twerp is wrong about despair. You're too much of a dumbass to get it. But just you wait." Her sinister crescent-moon smile crept back onto her face. "Just you wait, big sis."

Then she turned around, pushed open the door to the hotel we were still staying in, and walked inside.

In any other situation words like that would be a massive red flag. But in this case, I was too relieved that Junko wasn't mad at me to pay attention to what she'd said. I probably would've started crying in relief if I were a normal girl who hadn't gone through rigorous training to keep her emotions in check.

I should've paid attention to her warning, I know that. I still curse myself daily for letting something so obvious slip by me. But it didn't end up mattering, because even though my talent might not seem like it has too many applications outside of combat, it made all the difference here.

The first sign of danger came when I went over to his house the first time. I wasn't sure how big of a relationship milestone that was, but it came just a week after I confronted him in the alley. It turned out it wasn't that big of a deal, which was a little disappointing, but also relieving, because I had no idea what I'd do if things started moving too quickly. The visit wasn't the thing that stood out. It was how often Makoto almost died during it.

He didn't notice, which was probably a good thing. He'd already had a near-death experience in his home just a few weeks before, and anything more would probably cause him to move away. Which would keep him safe and out of Junko's way, but it would also take him away from me, and as selfish as it was, I didn't want that to happen. But I noticed. With my years of training and finely-tuned eye for danger, how could I not?

I barely managed to save him from the first murder attempt, since I hadn't counted on something like this happening. I'd noticed the figure in the shadows from the start, but like an idiot I chose to ignore it, chalking it up to a trick of the light or something. Because of that, I almost didn't catch the knife before it embedded itself in the back of his head.

I did, though, thank God, and hiding it turned out to be surprisingly easy. I was taking a tour of his house at the time, and he was turned in the other direction, so all I had to do was hide it behind my back and then stick it in a knife block. Subterfuge wasn't exactly my specialty, but Makoto wasn't exactly perceptive either, so it wasn't too much trouble.

Honestly, I'd have to say the most unfortunate thing about the rest of the murder attempts was that they prevented me from relaxing for the rest of the visit. I didn't try to apprehend the shadowy figure. I knew if I did, I would find Junko, and as little as I trusted her at this point, I didn't want her to have to experience the disappointment of her plan falling through. (Or would it bring her despair? As much as she insisted that the two emotions were miles apart from each other, I couldn't really see the difference, so I decided not to risk it.) She was still my sister, and I still cared about her, unhinged as she might be. If I had to block a poison dart from her blowgun and dispose of a cyanide-tainted snack every now and then, the least I could do was keep from exposing her.

Overall we had a pretty fun afternoon. A little stressful, but still fun. I couldn't ignore the message Junko had sent me, though. She knew exactly how much I cared about Makoto and was trying to kill him, all so she could bring me despair. It was a little heartwarming – but as much as she might care about me, that didn't change the fact that I had to protect Makoto Naegi no matter what.

Even if it cost me my life.