The Degenerates - Under Edit

t h i r t e e n

I wasn't listening this morning in my Psych lecture. It was the last day of the week, Saturday being tomorrow. I had this lingering feeling of paranoia, like an itch I couldn't scratch. I felt the need to constantly watch over my shoulder.

I wore all black, hoping I'd fit in and not be seen by whomever was lurking in the shadows. There was a reason I was feeling this way; it wasn't just random. I just didn't know who, what, or where, and that only increased my restlessness.

It didn't help that Trey wasn't in class since the first time he had sat with me. I felt like he had become just another person I had to look out for, and when he wasn't standing directly next to me, I had no idea where he was.

I sat at the back of the lecture hall, my back against the wall, so nobody watched my screen as I typed in Trey's name. Trey Arden. Such a mysterious, beautiful name for an equally as mysterious boy. The search lead to nothing, not even an award, or an achievement, or hell, even a crime. It was like Trey Arden didn't exist.

I ignored the snide feeling of disappointment when he didn't show for social studies either; but I reminded myself that it was a good thing.

By the time I had raced but to my dorm, it was heavily raining, the water pounding on the roof and washing down the windows, like someone had left the hose running over the glass.

I fell inside our room, closing the door behind me as if to shut out the world for a moment. Lila lay bundled up in bed, like she hadn't even moved when I left her hours ago. In a way I was glad she was still here, otherwise the second coffee in my hand would have been futile.

"Hey, gal," I said to her and she barely opened her eyes, stiff and swollen from crying, "I brought you something,"

Lila sat up, but kept the nest of blankets around her, "I see you opened the blinds, that's a good start."

She had; I left them closed for her this morning but she must have, thankfully, hopped out of bed for a moment to let some light in. She mustered a weak smile, "I showered too,"

I beamed, "How good are you," I extended my arm and gave her the hot drink, cup slightly wet from when the rain started.

"It was lucky I did," she said in a small voice, "because Trey came around this morning."

My blood ran cold, "What?"

"You know," she said, pushing the tangled of her hair behind her ears, "I don't believe he is so bad, Neij. Maybe Sasha is wrong,"

I felt my face contort at the small girl. What was she talking about? Why the hell did Trey come over here, and who did he think he was? And why hasn't he showed his face in days, and just rock up unannounced to my dorm?

"Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure."

"He came to check on me," she murmured, "he brought juice and a muffin," her eyes welled up, "he wanted to know how I was doing and if I ever needed something to call."

I stayed silent as Lila spoke, her voice cracking, "He said to me if I ever were in trouble, call him and he would keep us safe. All of us."

I felt my own lump rise in my throat, "Why he would he say that?" Because he had something to do with James ending up in a body bag.

"He spoke like you would to someone who was grieving, you know, like I had just lost a family member to an illness or something." Lila sniffled, "I think he knows something about Brad, and he was comforting me because he knows he isn't coming back." She broke into a sob and I couldn't help but put my arms around the frail girl.

I comforted her, but I also hid my own tears that threatened to escape.

My stomach sunk and my heart howled as I remembered this soft Trey that I knew wasn't a façade, who really did exist under layers of external hardness.

"Lila," I said when I pulled back, "I lied to you, and Sasha. About him."

She gestured me to go on, and she found a tissue on her bedside table, but used her sleeve to wipe her eyes anyway.

"I went over there because we..." I stopped and thought about what I could have said next, "got close, and I liked the way I felt being around him."

"We stayed in, ate dinner, and we laughed," I told her, "and we fought, bickered like cat and dog."

And besides finding the body of your missing boyfriend's brother, we were just two people, bonding over how much our live sucked.

"And it was late, he didn't want me to leave alone in the dark. So I stayed. And I kissed him on the balcony." I explained and I watched Lila's face soften, and tears brimmed her waterline.

"And I kissed him because I wanted to," I said softly, "he didn't force me, or anything. Hell, he offered me the fucking bed and he would stay on the lounge.

"I saw this Trey that I wanted him to be so badly. I thought for a moment that he would open up, and want to be this way with me."

"But it was like I had pushed him away, he closed down, and he shut himself away. He told me that he was no good for me; that he would stay away from me from then on. I thought I did something wrong. He didn't smile even once again that night."

I fought against the undeniable feelings of hurt well up in my chest, remembering how I slipped out his bedroom door in the early hours of the morning, not wanting to wake him, but having him already up in the kitchen leaning against the bench when I hoisted my bag over my shoulder and left the flat.

"He looked at me like I was just a girl he had over for a one night stand who he couldn't wait to get out of his hair."

Lila wiped her wet eyes, "Neijla. I understand why you're so hurt, but I think you have it wrong. He doesn't think that at all,"

I furiously wiped away at a few stray tears that had slipped from my eyes, "Yeah? What makes you so sure?"

"He wants to protect you, I know it, he was telling me that."

"From what?" I demanded, "What is this big secret that he is hiding from me?"

Lila shook her head, "You need to talk to him, I promise he cares about you."

"Right," I said, and stood up, "I have to go. But call me if you need me." I said to her and she nodded, eyeing me cautiously.

I slung my bag over my shoulder again. The rain had eased to a drizzle, and from my window, I had seen the frat boys leaving their house for what looked to be some sort of exercise session. I took that as my cue to find out exactly who Brad and James Chadwick really were. The only way I could do that, is if I could find away into that damned Fraternity.