he who perished, she who suffered

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Two years and six months ate the life out of the once jaunty lady behind the name GoGo Tomago, leaving everyone with only the hollow shell of who she used to be, of what she used to do. No one dared to speak, their tongues tied in knots as they watched her play with the pencil he used to draw with. Blueprints and plans were scattered on the desk in front of her but she made no effort for it to be properly arranged again, and everyone presumed that it must be because she didn't want to change how the man left it - because it probably held a sentimental value that no one other than her could understand.

A disgusted grunt slipped through her slightly parted lips, her brows drawn together. The gang looked at her in deep worry as she continued tapping her nails on the desk - once, twice, thrice - but other than those, she did nothing; instead, she stayed still on the huge swivel chair with her chin propped by the palm of her hand. She knew not what made her stay. She could've escaped from San Fransokyo, could've left to forget, but something kept dragging her back to the places where he used to go to, the memories clawing at her ankles.

And she felt compelled to remain like a tree under a dreadful storm.

She grimaced as the memories hit her like Baymax's super punch, drowning her like they were the water that filled the Pacific Ocean - the way he used to smile, the way he used to scrunch his nose, the way he used to guffaw... and even the way he bellowed whilst his body was perishing in the fire. It was when she came to Hiro's aid after the explosion blew him away unconscious, and when she attempted to go and see what was happening because she couldn't bear not seeing Tadashi safe and sound.

And everyone were like saints as she lied motionless on the hospital bed a day later, their eyes faking joyous glows in hopes that she wouldn't figure it out just yet. But she did, she knew, she understood.

Beads of tears escaped her eyes as the pain continued to gnaw the inside of her chest, as the parasites called memories feasted on the little amount of sanity that she had left. The other three pitied her not because they got over the tragic ending of Tadashi's story unlike her - they hadn't, too - but because they knew how GoGo was practically glued to him before. And the mere fact was enough to set them off, turn them into a pool of drenched souls.

~~~

Hiro had covered his ears back when Tadashi couldn't shut up about how GoGo fell from her bike, and scraped her knee. About how he helped her up, about how he noticed that her eyes were glowing like stars amidst the black sky. And by then, he knew just how Tadashi, his dear brother Tadashi, had finally found something precious he'd love to love other than studying. He was glad for him because he finally thought of himself for once, and not just his little brother's troubles and bot fights.

Only, he didn't expect that it would be the last time he'd hear his brother's endless blathers about GoGo, the last time he'd see his brother's cheeks flushed with the colour of tomatoes.

Taking his jacket with him, he strode off.

~~~

GoGo took everyone by surprise when she pressed her hands against Tadashi's wooden desk, then propped herself to stand. Even with tears blurring her vision, her hands trembling, her breath hitching more than twice - unintentionally removing the metaphorical mask she had been wearing ever since - she proceeded out of the room, and stomped past the green sign that says Exit.

She thought she heard someone call her alias, but she was determined to keep everything away from her plan to go. And even if she actually did hear it, she still wouldn't turn around because she wanted to be alone - no, she had to be alone, just for awhile, just until the thumps in her temple were gone.

The main door of the building opened automatically after she went near, her mind still misty, her heart still pounding. She was just about to take her first step outside when she heard it again, someone calling her alias. It was much clearer then, but the voice sounded... different, somehow.

She knew she should just go, that was what she was good at, anyway - running off to who knows where. But then for once, with a sigh, she chose to turn and spare whoever the person was a glance of intimidation; back off, leave me be, I don't need you.

All of the lines she practiced in her brain were washed away as her soft side reigned supreme - because standing a few feet from where she stood was a worried Hiro, his hands inside the warm spaces of his pockets.

He reminded her of his brother so much that it took her aback, her eyes wide, nearly breathless.

"GoGo," he said as he moved in closer.

But she was still vexed, so she retorted sourly. "What?" Her façade was back, and she was determined to keep it on at all cost lest she'd crumble into fine powder in front of him.

"I know Tadashi," he muttered softly, shaking his head. "he wouldn't want to see you like this."

She clenched her hand tighter, so tight that her palms had turned pink. "Do you think I'm stupid - that I wouldn't know that?" She spat shamelessly, knowing that the situation had finally reached the brink of her patience. "I know it's been a while, and I know him, too. I know that if he's here right now, he'd scold me for being so weak, so pathetic. I know he'd nudge my head o - or would playfully punch my arm. I know he'd tell me "Be strong, Leiko," because... " She stopped, panting, her teeth grinding each other. "But that's the thing, Hiro, your brother's not here to do any of those things anymore, and he's most certainly not here to see me like this, either. So, please,"

He blinked at her solemnly, lowering his head.

She sighed. "just let me go."

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