Can't You Feel It? - A Hamlaf Fanfiction

Chapter 6

Laf didn't say much as he drove Alex over to his boyfriend's apartment.

When the arrived outside the complex however, Laf's knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. Alex reached over and gently loosened them, placing them in Laf's lap.

"I'll take you up to him," Lafayette said quietly, opening his door. Alex grabbed his sleeve before he could get out.

"Hey," he said gently. "Thank you." Laf just shrugged himself out of Alex's grasp and slammed the car door behind him.

Alex hurried to follow him up the stairs to the top floor. Laf hesitated, unwilling to knock so Alex did it for him.

When James opened the door, Alex stepped forward so that the brothers were chest to chest. "Hey bro, long time, no see," he said cheerfully. "I think we should chat and catch up. You can go home Laf, I'll text John and ask him to come pick me up when I'm done."

Laf hesitated for a moment and James seized his chance. "No, no, it's fine. I don't mind Lafayette staying, do you?" he asked, glaring down at Alexander.

"Actually, I do," Alex shot back, waving at Laf dismissally. He knew what the small boy was doing and took the chance he was being given.

"I wouldn't want to interrupt. I'll go home," he said, looking at James nervously.

James frowned but didn't protest. "Alright, just stop by later. You know how I worry," he lied, looking straight into Laf's eyes.

Laf looked away and walked out, not saying anything. James scowled at his back before turning to Alex.

"You left me," he said, his voice oddly small. "Why? You were everything I had left and you weren't there when I came back."

Alex sighed. "Can I come in?" he asked shyly. James nodded mutely, stepping back into his apartment and leading his little brother to the sitting room.

Alex sat down on the sofa slowly, looking at his brother. "You hit me," he said quietly. "You hit me and you did things so unspeakable that I couldn't even think about ever doing that with someone."

James flinched. "I know. I'm sorry. I love you and I never wanted to hurt you," he replied, reaching out for his brother who flinched away from him.

"Please don't touch me," Alex begged. James recoiled at his words, slouching down into his seat.

"Ok, I won't touch you. But something tells me you're not just here for a brotherly reunion. What is it?" he asked.

"You need to let Laf go," Alex told him quietly. "You need to let him leave. I'll stay in your life, be your family if that's what it takes for you to give him his freedom. But just let him go. You can't hurt him anymore."

James was quiet. "Lex, I love him," he said quietly. "The same way I loved you and I don't wanna lose him! He was the only one here for me after you were gone."

Alex sighed. "I know. And I know you think you love him but why would you do that to someone you love? Why did you do it to me?"

James fell silent. "I never wanted to hurt you," he repeated quietly. "But Dad left and Mom died and Peter was useless and I just felt so.... helpless. I resorted to anger and violence to solve my problems instead of getting the professional help I needed but that we couldn't afford."

Alex stared at his brother in shock. In response to his look, James explained, "When I first got here, before I met Lafayette, I saw a therapist. He helped me sort out my feelings and stuff."

Alex nodded silently. "My adoptive family wants me to see a therapist due to all the trauma in my past," he said, not adding that the trauma was mostly from James himself.

James nodded thoughtfully. "You should. I probably messed you up big time bro and I'm really sorry. If, if you promised to stay and help me through it, I could cope with letting Laf leave," he said shyly.

"I can't live with you James," Alex mumbled. James looked shocked at the idea.

"No, no I don't mean live with me just stick around and talk to me, maybe once a week. I just- I miss you," he admitted.

Alex thought about it for a moment. "Sure," he said cautiously. "But the slightest sign of any abuse and I'm out of here, got it?"

James grinned. "Got it."