Life

WhyDoIFeelLikeThisConstantly

Sup bitches, It's been a lil while since I last wrote; been busy smoking and with school. Today's little paragraph is gonna be a bummer, to be honest. So my neighbor, Mr. Rob, he's hilarious but he has a daughter who's a freshman this year. She is the apple of his eye, and she's smart as fuck, so he always comes into my house bragging about her and I can just feel my parents wishing I was like her... it's getting tiring, I'm tired of being the worthless one, the dumb one, the unsuccessful one, the one who won't go anywhere in life. I'm just honestly getting tired, I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life and it's overwhelming. I thought hey, maybe I'll have my own business? Nope, that dream got squashed by my parents, "That's hard, you should just do a regular job." I know I'm the not-even-mediocre child but they don't have to call me it. I have tried all my life to impress everyone, make sure everyone's happy, even as a child. I threw away my childhood trying to make everyone happy, and now I'm an emotionless good-for-nothing drug addict who can't even produce serotonin. I can't even do what little me could do, I used to be a ray of sunshine for everyone, but slowly that ray is burning out and how I truly feel is emerging. Every day I try so hard to bury it and to be that ray of sunshine cause I never know who could need some sunshine, but it's becoming so hard. I'm everyone else's sunshine but where is my sunshine? I don't have sunshine. I never have. Thanks for reading, hopefully, I die soon.