Solace

Never BLoomed

Twiggy's P.O.V.

I snapped. I couldn't stand being numb or depressed any longer. I was tired of overfamiliar day to day basis that I had grown accustomed to. I've dug myself into a pit so deep that I couldn't even climb out to save own life. I swam so far from shore that I couldn't find my way back.

I'm sick of how every day I had to pretend to love someone who was drowning in sorrows. It killed me that I just didn't have enough feelings to heal Anna, but I don't love her. The only reason why we were in a relationship was primarily because of sympathy & understanding.

She lay beside me with her back to me. Her emaciated body calmly rested between the sheets. Breathing in, out. She looked like a petty white rabbit caught in snow; so frail & frightful. She had no chance. If I left her, she'd kill herself. No one would want a broken doll like her because no one can fix her, she's beyond repair. She sits with me like a toy that rots on a shelf, collecting dust. I almost felt sorry to even think this way: wanting to leave her. If she wouldn't commit suicide, Anna would not treat herself with mercy. She'll put herself through the worst of tortures. However, I was more merciful. I won't let her endure that.

"Annabelle?" I crooned to her softly. She didn't like the loud sounds. She said they scare her. Somehow it scares her despite the fact that when she's in the wrong mood, she'll be the loudest & angriest mother fucker ever. Lately the only mood she was in was grief & fear. I don't know what has gotten into Anna. Maybe she scared herself into thinking that she's trapped in the body & mind of a monster. Maybe she got scared because she saw the way she reacted angrily.

How would it feel to be living & seeing from the eyes of a psychopath? Does it scare you into morphing into one of them or do you simply shrink to a fearful childlike figure? It's an interesting thought... but I sure as hell don't wanna know.

She didn't stir just yet. So, I shook her from her sleep as gentle as possible. I rolled on top of her then fell to Anna's side. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open to reveal her red irises & the soreness surrounding them. She'd been crying in her sleep, I assumed.
I stroked her silky snow-white hair. "Anna?"
"Huh?" Came her soft reply. Her eyes were wide now, scared yet innocent.
I couldn't believe I was really going through with this.
"I'm sorry it came to this," said a soothing voice that did not belong to me. It couldn't have.
"... But we both know I have to do this."

Her sad innocent eyes bore into mine like she knew what I was going to. Then she nodded. Anna knew. I held up a kitchen knife & held it under her chin. She had the hickeys I made for her. Underneath her light colored clothing were more scars & bruises, inflicted by me. Had I treated her so badly? Was she hurting because of me? Allow me to resolve your pains..

"No need to endure the pain any longer..." I said to her. Was I doing this for her or for me to be freed? Did I do this to end mine or her suffering? I dropped the knife momentarily. It's okay to hesitate, isn't? Killing a person should be deciphered carefully before actually going through the process of murdering. I already decided... I was too weak to do this. No I was not. I could do this.

"D-do you want this?"
Annabelle continued to look into mine. I decide. Okay, Like always. I am the man here. I decide.
"I love you, do you know?"

She said it to me with much passion & she meant it, "I love you." I meant what I told her, too. It's clear: I loved her not only because I pitied her, I loved her because I lover her.

I pulled her in for an embrace. Maybe I was doing her a favor. Rather, I was doing myself a favor. Killing her would be for my peace of mind. Not her well being. Still, it goes both ways. I wanted her death to mean something more than my own personal reasons, but the whole situation points it's fingers to me like I am the culprit. Her chest rested on mine softly & her eyes closed momentarily. Weak bony arms wrapped around my waist as I caressed her bony back lovingly. Annabelle melted beneath me, succumbing to the causer of her death. It shouldn't end like this for her. She was beautiful & sweet... Annabelle died as she lived. It was time to put an end to her suffering. With mercy & love, I would let her slip away. A small kiss I left for her to cherish. She knew she was loved. That was all she ever wanted.

I picked up the shiny weaponized tool.
"This won't take long, Hun. After this you will no longer have to feel pain."
"Thank you," she whispered in a soft voice.
Carefully, the tool dug into her neck. Crimson liquid almost instantly poured down her skin of white. Sleep, my porcelain doll. I lay her down on the bed & kissed her forehead.
She rasped for breaths, but she didn't want to cling on. Each breath was probably agonizing.

You have to suffer for happiness.

I held her hand & watched as she struggled & gag on her own blood. It's not a pretty sight, but I wanted to see her go. I wanted to see her at rest for the very first time. No more suffering. Just serenity. That in itself was a pretty sight. I sang her one of her favorite songs. Sleep With A Gun. It always calmed her. Her eyes lid themselves & she listened intently with a slight smile gracing her tired face. She wheezes at some point. Her breathing suffered. My thumb lovingly stoked her soft hand. She felt so frail against my touch, I could feel her pulse in my hand, how her bones contracted along with her tensing muscles. It felt like I would break her more.

She sLipped away from my reach as soon as the song came to its stop. Annabelle found her peace when she faded away. I hoped for solace & I would seek for it. Soon. I tucked her in bed, adoring the blood trickling down her chest. Someday we would meet again in paradise. I'll bring a friend with me & it would be soon.
"Good night." I told the corpse of a flower that bloomed in the opposite way. She caved in instead of showing her colorful beauty.

I dressed in the old stage clothing then stalked off into the night.

This is very deep to me. Very dear.
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