we loved with a love that was more than love // JENLISA

6

-Jennie-

Saturday nights have always been your night.

In college it was a time to dress up and get rowdy, and even after you graduated you and Lisa would meet up with your friends for drinks at a local bar.

But ever since you bought your little blue house near the lake, Saturday night became date night, which, if you're being honest, is even better than the wildest parties of days past. It's nice to get away from your laptop and the bills and the unfolded laundry and just completely focus on Lisa, while drinking wine and eating a good cut of steak.

Once Ella came to live with you, date nights went on hiatus. You know now that Ella is strong -- so strong -- and brave, but at first she just seemed so small and skittish. Every day when she came home from school you swear she seemed a little surprised to find you there, waiting for her with two glasses of lemonade, and so all you cared about during those first few weeks was providing some stability for her.

And, boy, were those first weeks hard. You don't think you've ever felt quite so out of your depth. You babysat a lot in college, but being a parent, you quickly found out, doesn't even compare.

There's such a big difference between watching a child and raising one. And you still don't know too much about Ella's past, but you think her other foster parents didn't care quite as much, and that just makes you want to be even better for her.

It's just, you're not sure how. Maybe you'll never figure it out. But when she first came to live with you you hadn't learned how to read her, yet, and she was so quiet and withdrawn at times that you were terrified you wouldn't be enough.

Being a parent is still scary, but you're feeling more confident now, nearly three months on. Day by day, you and Lisa are earning Ella's trust and she's opening up more, in her own way.

After about a month, you decided to reinstitute date nights. You talked to Ella about it, first. It was Lisa's idea, and it's one of the many things you love about her -- her intuitiveness, especially when it comes to El.

You told her that Maya -- the teenager who lives next door -- would hang out with her on those nights, and at first she seemed hesitant, but when Maya came over to meet her they soon became so consumed in a game of Bananagrams that Ella pouted when the older girl had to go home for dinner.

And so date nights were back on for several weeks without a hitch, until tonight, when Maya's mom calls to tell you her daughter is sick.

When you tell Ella, she looks distraught.

You know she really likes Maya, who's very kind to her, but you're still surprised by her reaction. She's usually pretty flexible -- probably a product of her inconsistent childhood -- so her mood catches you off guard.

The sun is starting to set -- earlier, these days, signalling the end of summer -- but Ella asks to play in the backyard after dinner so you tell her she can stay out until it gets dark. Maybe she just needs some time alone.

You watch her through the window, chewing on the side of your thumb. She walks to the garden and just stands there, surveying the plants and flowers.

"Hey," Lisa says. You turn to find her standing there in pajama shorts and a tank top and her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head, and you smile automatically. She's holding two glasses of wine -- one of which she hands to you before clinking hers against it. "It's still date night, right?"

"Right," you say.

She takes a sip, smiling around the lip of the glass, and you tug on the hem of her top until she steps forward, moving into your space. You kiss her and she sighs as she opens her mouth to you, meeting your tongue with her own.