time step - A BTS AU (Random Updates)

Chapter 2

Another morning. Another day without any word of my soulmates.

I try to ignore the words of those four but today my walls seem broken.

They were right. It is almost my birthday, my 19th birthday is only a day away, and my tattoos are still grey. How many years will I have to live alone? How long until they are born? What if... I never met them. What if-what if, they won't be born in my lifetime? What if fate has paired me with seven souls, told me that they were my perfect match, only to keep them from me - seperated by years, hours, maybe even minutes. Maybe they shall take their first breaths only seconds after I take my last. How cruel; I do not want them to suffer like that. Like I am suffering.

These thoughts have always lingered at the back of my mind but my birthday has brought them forth, right to the forefront of my conscious.

And it hurts. My thoughts hurt more than anything then those four have ever said or done to me. Because it feels like I giving up. Because the breath in my lungs is hard to breath. Because the tears sting my eyes as they break over my defenses and streem down onto the pillows. Because my heart, my soul, is heavy with pain and I feel as if it is about to fall in on itself - to implode whilst the world carries on as if everything is normal.

And I am glad that it is a weekend. That no one will see me if I don't leave this room, and I am not going to. I am just going to lay here and cry until the tears dry up. And then I am going to sleep and just wake up as if I am okay. Tommorow I will be okay.

***

My eyes peel open heavily. Initially the weight of my exhaustion and the prickle of yesterday's tears hold them together but the dreaded sound of commitment wakes me. Stupid alarm. I can't ignore it though, not today. I not only have a history test that could topple the scales, make or break me, but it is also a day where I have to see my family. If I sleep now, then I won't get up. And then they will come and check on me. And I don't want that.

So I pull the covers back, shivering at the room's cold breath upon me, and run to my wardrobe. I chuck on a long sleve shirt and warm jacket, I just know that today is going to be cold, and shuffle into my pants.

As my arm moves to pull up the fabric of my trousers, the material of my sleves is taken with it. The words on my wrists are revealed and I stare with an empty feeling at them.

Singularity. Serendipity.

Both words still dull.

Without hope I move to check all the other marks - both the picture and accompanying word.

First Love. Moon. Daydream. Trivia: Love. Euphoria.

Dull. All dull.

And so are my eyes.

I mosey about, grabbing what I need for the day before I dawdle at the door, waiting till the last possible minute before I have to leave.

The sunshine rises above the line of buildings but the cloudless sky traps no heat. My muscles are stiff as I walk along the solitary path, the campus is only a few blocks away. In my misery I do not notice the anomalies that permeate the air.

Not a single soul looms near even though the streets usually bustle with life. The sound of the rustling leaves is silent as the wind whips past me. Not even my footsteps reverberate, soundless in their heavy strides. The heat of the suns rays is lost even as I step into the light. All I feel is increasingly tired as my body moves forward, now only moments away from it's destination.