Am I being too selfish? But if you were in my position, you would feel the same and do the same.
Someone kicked my stomach and I spit the metallic fluid that came out form my insides. I was kneeling down, both my hands were tied to a pole, and my face, bruised and filled with blood. I didn't mind. It was painful though, but none of the pain I felt physically was nothing compared to what I felt when he left me. My vision was now blurry. I don't care if I die right here, right now. As long as the pain would go away. Another punch landed on my cheeks. I was expecting another when I heard a faint shout. He said my name, and it was the best sound ever. It was all I was waiting for and now, he was here. When I tried to steady myself, darkness covered me.
I woke up to the blinding sunshine. Fuck. Am I dead? When I opened my eyes, I saw Rei. He was reading his book, keeping his cool. He was the most feared member, next to me, of course, my beta. I tried to move an inch, trying not to be seen. "You were almost killed last night." He blurted out. Damn. He noticed I was awake. "Yes, I know, Captain Obvious." I sat up and leaned at the headboard. He closed his book and put it in the desk beside my bed. "You should stop. Being reckless won't make him come back." I never really liked being mushy, or being open about my life. I have always been a secretive person. One rule they all weren't allowed to break were to not ask nor talk nor to interfere about my personal life, and this time, he crossed the line. "You don't have the right to tell me that!" I raised my voice. I was angry and hurt. And I am not gonna cry again, not anymore.
He stood up. "Yes, I have! I am your best friend and I care about you!." He sat down and calmed himself. A tear rolled in his eyes. Even in mine. I can't help but cry. "You don't know how painful it is to see you so broken. I am your best friend. I am supposed to protect you. We, your friends, care about you. If it wasn't for me and Jane, you would have been killed last night." He didn't look at me. I am a black-hearted person. The only person to change that was Rei, Jane, and him. Especially him. He brought out the best in me, and he just crushed everything I had. "I had it under control." I stood up and got out of the room. I saw the members with their gloomy expression. They all turned to look at me and stood up and they paid respect since I was their leader. Jane and Rei are always my right hand men, Jane, being my Omega, and Rei as my Beta. I bowed and went out. I was at the garden and lit up a cigarette. I puffed smoke as I tried to touch the wounds in my face. None of these were nearly as painful as what he did to me.
I turned on my phone and our picture was still my wallpaper. I almost choked out a sob. Then, I decided to change it and delete the picture. What did I do wrong? I cried and cried and still, he was out of reach. Yesterday was supposed to be our 2nd anniversary, but he decided to break up with me a month before. I cried again. Remembering our memories together, how we had our first kiss, how he changed me because I really thought he was the one. But no. Fairy tales cease to exist. Reality hurts like a bitch.
A few months after, I got better and better. I was leading the group well, and they all were glad I was back at my old self. It was like he never existed and I moved on. I never minded him.
"Hey." I watched the sun set on our balcony when someone sat beside me. The view from our gang house was breathtaking. "Hi." I just returned the greeting. Awkward silence filled the air. I was never used to him being too caring. Rei always comforted me, but this time it was different. "I'm glad you're doing better." He said out of nowhere. "Yeah, me, too." I really was. My memories of him were fading. And slowly, I'm becoming more like myself again. The black-hearted leader.
