The Heart Broken Lover

The Love!

When 9th grade started I never thought I would see Jasper ever again, little did I know I would see him every day. Over the summer we didn't talk so I didn't know how he would be, me and Lilac became so close, she is my best friend and I cannot wait to see her grow. Jasper and I only had one class together and that was English; my favorite class. Jasper saw me the first day and yelled "Rose! I'm so happy to see you!" while he hugged me. Of course I hugged him back and that's how it all started. We became best friends and I was so excited to have him back, I had realized that my feelings have come back, I was angry with myself because feelings ruin everything. And it did, just wait.

A couple months into the school year we both confessed that we had feelings for each other and Jasper asked me out, I panicked, I didn't want to ruin everything. Yet I said yes because I had feelings too. That's when it all started, the relationship was amazing! We hung out all the time, and his family loved me and I loved them. Jasper and my parents had such a amazing relationship they always goofed off. There are always many red flags in relationships, and for some reason I didn't notice them, the first one was that he said "I love you" very quickly, we were dating for about a month when he first said it. I was shocked; Jasper said "Rosie, I know this is quick but I need to say it now, I love you and I hope to spend the rest of my life with you" and he kissed me. I should have noticed, he was moving so quickly and it scared me. Other than that the relationship was going great.... for the most part. I also found it surprising that he said he wanted to spend the rest on his life with me but he never asked me on a date; I might know what you're thinking, and yes I wanted to ask him but Lilac and Nyx said I should wait till he asked me. Honestly I was surprised how quickly we were moving. I mean we were dating for 7 months and so much happened.

There were more red flags, I mean six months into our relationship he wanted to have sex, he had been bugging me about it for months and I finally caved in, and honestly I wish I would have waited; it was not good or special. I felt so exposed and that it was forced. We were just kids, I said to him "Jasper, why did you want to do this?" and he just told me "well I just wanted to Rose, whats the big deal?". I feel like that should have told me that this relationship was toxic. I felt violated and that he only wanted me for my body, it wasn't fair to me. I feel like he told his friends because everyone treated me differently. I just wanted to have my life back. I wish I never went into that relationship. I feel so used. We are just teenagers and this was so
immature and truly I don't think Jasper understood that. A couple of weeks later I did not get my monthly cycle and I felt super ill, honestly I thought I was pregnant, and Jasper didn't care. He said to me that I was "over reacting", do you know how that feels? To be put down? It was a terrible feeling. Luckily I am not pregnant, but again Jasper just didn't care.

Looking back on the relationship there is so much mental and and emotional abuse that had happened during the relationship. He had put me down for so much, it truly was not good for my mental health. Honestly I felt completely forced into everything, it all happened to quickly, we started with love and it ended with hate. Whenever I would tell Jasper how I felt, he just said he didn't want to talk and that he wasn't good with relationships. It made my life total hell. He made me feel bad for things that were not my fault. He would always choose his game over his own girlfriend. Yes, I made mistakes also but not that kinds of ones that hurt other peoples self esteem.