Quindecim

Self-hatred

I was actually yielding to self-hatred, it wasn't important if the old lady had a heart attack. That's not the point.

"Why did you have to die?" "What made you suffer?" "How can I help?" I kept on thinking about that as I laid down on the beach floor.

I loved reading books because it made me feel I have more knowledge and wisdom. But when it comes to facing this sort of situation. It was a real challenge to show compassion. I feel like...I deserve to die.

I fell asleep at the beach.

    I was dreaming now, that day....in her dying hours, I was lost. If should go and say goodbye. Why did I hesitate? That child is dying...I...never turned up...To know someone in unnecessary depths means to experience more pain. If I see her dying...I may lose my mind...so instinctively, I was avoiding that. Poor Vitorique. Did she want me to see her on her deathbed?...I took that choice away from her. That helpless child...in the end...I ran away, I deserve to die, don't I? I smiled.

There were withered trees like usual, all withered...with mine being in the middle...

*poke*
*poke*
*POKE* *POKE* *POKE*
"Oh you're still alive! BORING! Go home and sleep in your own bed!"

I fell asleep? Was there a drowned body? Did she see it??

"What? A DEAD BODY? I thought you were dead this morning."

Maybe she died somewhere else...
I walked back to the bar, there weren't many customers today as well. Just some young boys doing drugs in the corner.

"Hey there's a letter for ya"

A letter? It's from my brother...what!? He'll be here soon? But why? I haven't seen him for 2 years. What does he want now?

I sighed. He'll be scolding me for sure, as I ran away from all those social responsibilities.

I want to go and meet Vitorique's dad..

"What are you doing in front of my door? My child is healthy and actually I was late to reach. I got scolded from my wife, haha."

"I'm happy for you" saying that, I left.

He isn't happy, is he? How can I help him? Let's look for a book.

"A Letter From The Heart" says the title.

"Recall that face, answer the lies and carefully select the words to right a letter."

I think I should write a letter to him...But I won't be writing it, I'll call out that child.

The child enters.

"Hey you, I thought that you wouldn't be here today...I need to ask you a favor, I need you to write a letter to your father. He seems down so...is that okay?"

She nodded. I taught her spellings and we wrote the letter together...in every word she wrote, there were her true feelings. As if she was back 2 years ago, I felt like I had my peace of mind...she looked happy. I'm glad I could see that happy face of her's.

"Thank you, I'll make sure to give this to your dad. Wait! I had this last question...were you ever angry on me for not turning up that day?"

She looked a little confused. "....? I dunno...what are you so afraid of?" That question...from her mouth...shooked me.

"Regrets. I couldn't tell you that...I loved you just as your father and mother loved you. But you died before I could tell you, I regret that."

"T-that's hard...and I really don't know but you know, I really like you too. Thank you for lending me so many books. Thank you for teaching me how to write a letter. I had fun."

A flower bloomed and slowly the entire tree was filled with fresh, bloomed flowers.

He'll get the letter by tomorrow, I hope that I could be useful. I did what I could, or was it just my ego, no, can't be. He'll understand. Let's have faith.

"She's gone, her tree...has bloomed."

He read it. He read the letter and came directly to me.

"I saw you put it in my postbox, where did you find it?" He asked.

"I found it between the pages of a book, she must have written it in her dying hours." I replied.

"My daughter could spell out those difficult words, I'm proud. Poor child. She would have been a great sister, I'm sure. I'm grateful that you found this letter. Thank you." He looked really happy this time.

"No problem, she was a great friend I could have. I'm glad I could help you. You no longer have that withered tree in your heart" I whispered.

"It's your turn now." He whispered as he left.

"W-what!?"