it will never be. (Akaashi x Reader)

Remember

4th Grade
"(y/n) I heard Haruto likes you"
7th Grade
"(y/n) Yuto keeps looking at you why don't you say hi"
9th Grade
"(y/n) Koki told me he has a crush on you"

I wish I knew how it felt to truly understand my feelings for someone says (y/n) as she sighs looking up at her ceiling creating imaginary images in her head.

A month of your first year of high school had passed and you had made 2 new friends and rekindled some along the way. It was unsuspected of you to be so outgoing considering how introverted you were all throughout elementary and middle school. You being an introvert had bothered you and you made a decision during the summer to change your personality, you wanted to be outgoing, sporty and charming. You had spent all summer practicing volleyball, luckily you had gotten into the girls team, "Fukurodani's number 5, libero".

Flashback

Koki❤️
Good morning beautiful!😍

(y/n)
I wanna break up, I don't feel think I was ready for a relationship when I accepted your confession. I'm so sorry, I know you'll find someone better.

Koki❤️
what did I do wrong?, please (y/n) I love you, please don't break up with me

You're the one for me, please

Stop ignoring me how can you ruin us, we only dated for a week and you didn't even wanna see how this would turn out.
*read*

Flashback ended

Koki, you were clingy and forceful, you made me miserable but I was so desperate for a relationship that I chose you to be my first
(y/n) thought as she drifted off in the middle of math class as Yui tapped her shoulder when the teacher called on your name to answer the question.

"please head to the library and start on the chemistry assignment, if you are finished you can help the other students on their work" a teacher exclaimed as students started heading towards the two door opening to a small secluded library at the end of the hallway. You had already finished your work since you were paired up with the very quiet productive students in the class. You started walking towards Yui while she was playing a board game with other students that you hadn't met before but have seen around the school.

Your eyes lock onto a guy with a grin that seemed to light the room, gleaming into his face, you couldn't stop analyzing his features. He and Yui were playing a game of uno as you walked over thinking about the changes you wanted to take on with your personality, but seemed that you doubted your courage.

"hi" you quietly spoke, feet turned to Yui and eyes pointing towards the ground. Yui snaps her finger in front of your face making you lift your head towards hers, she had a disappointing look on her face as she knew that you were trying to be more outgoing.

Akaashi puts down a +2 card while slightly turning towards you, your eyes meet for a millisecond.

"Dammit Akaashi I'll get you back, just watch" Yui says with a devilish smirk on her face.

You focused your attention towards the cards on the center of the table as you felt a hard hit on your hip from Yui's elbow, "Ow" you silently exclaimed as you turn your head towards Yui's. Facing you while she her eyes pointed towards Akaashi then back to you, intending that you should introduce yourself.

"ohh sorry... I'm (y/n) (l/n), first year" you said clearly pronounciating your syllables to seem more confident and well-spoken.

He glanced towards you, his teal eyes shined from the light as he looked up towards you, he spoke softly

"Hello, (l/n)-san, I'm Keiji Akaashi, also first year".

Yui turned to you again, eyebrows moving up and down as she smirks then quickly turns her head to Akaashi, "(y/n) is on the volleyball team as well".

"umm, yeah I'm not that good though, I don't even know how I got on the team" you chuckled as your hand scratched the back of your head.

"I very much doubt that, Fukurodani is an elite school for volleyball, I bet you're an amazing player" he says as he places a card down not giving you a glance.

A girl walked in, you saw her beautiful hair golden hazel eyes and became envy of her beauty. She headed towards Akaashi, placing a hand on his shoulder as she slid it towards his other shoulder leading him to look at her as she sat on the seat next to him. He blushed, cheeks tinted with a hue of rose and you gleamed as you saw them, jealousy raged through your mind as you questioned were you jealous of their relationship or that he had a girlfriend.

Yui turned towards you and whispered in your ear "sorry (y/n)-chan I didn't know he was taken" "its alright, I wasn't looking for anything anyways" you whispered back.

Yui's eyes widely open and her eyebrows shot up, her tongue sticking out on the side as she placed +4, +2 and another +4, you quickly glance towards

Akaashi to see him frozen with a stoic face "i-.. i-..." he murmurs.

"Baka" you say quietly looking at your lap with a small smile on your face.

He playfully fist bumps your knee "what did you just call me" he says shocked.

You giggled "BAKA" putting a space between syllables, silently yelling at him as you moved your face closer to his. Akaashi's cheeks blushed and you quickly backed away looking to see if his girlfriend was there but luckily she had walked towards one of the shelves searching for a book.

Yui stands up and pulls you on your forearm "one sec I gotta go to the washroom, (y/n) come with me?", you and her walk out the library.

"I thought you weren't looking for anything, he has a girlfriend, stop flirting with him" Yui sternly spoke as you knew her complications with her ex cheating."I wasn't flirting, anyways he started it by hitting me". Yui shook her head as you both head back to the library.

You glanced towards Akaashi with a feeling of enlightenment to be seeing his face once again but to your astonishment, his teal eyes locked in with hers, she was prettier, smarter, likeable.

I don't want a relationship, remember (y/n)!remember Koki! you repeated in your head.

You walk out the library with a tear falling down your face remembering your past relationship and thinking that maybe you were incapable of withstanding such commitment and vulnerability.