Anthology Of A HERetic

But for now...

"Do you love me?" The letter asked.

It was a simple question, answerable by yes or no. I am no dull man, but for me and for some reason that was beyond my grasps, it was rather an odd question. The most peculiar of them all, if I may add.

I was regarded as a heartless man. The kind where though I am well endowed, mothers would think twice-I guess more than that- to send their daughters my way in fear that I will only break their hearts. Brothers would rather barricade their sisters than to parade them where I would probably be watching. Where Fathers would only let me be in the room as their daughters if they are either married or desperate. But even then, they still guarded their precious offspring from me like a hound dog.

So, to sum it all; I am not liked very well. Respected perhaps, but never liked.

And at first it was fine. It had always been fine. I knew of this ever since I moved in this little town to recuperate where secrets aren't kept for long, and where judgments were cruel. I was used to the taunting gazes, and the whispers and the prejudice in their eyes. It had always been there, the stares and the hate that came with it.

And I do not blame them. I would have hated myself too, if I was in their shoes. It was only a natural reaction from the families I have helped killed before. From the widows whose husbands died at the sound of my command. From the mothers and fathers screaming to free their child or children from clasps of war. And from the men who's death and slaughter I schemed.

"Even just a little more than friends?" The letter added.

I am used to it, the anger and the hate, yet when he glanced my way, for once, I hoped it was not like the looks they give me.

It was an odd feeling, much like answering the previous question. But it was a refreshing one, I guess. From years of torment, anguish, bravery, hate and war, it was a foreign feeling. I could not decipher why though. Perhaps it was because it had been a long time since these feelings resurfaced. It had been so long, that the emotions I was used to having seem so new to me. And people are always afraid of the different... and I am no exception.

"You know I love you. And I care not for what they said, or what others might think. I love you, and I am willing to leave it all behind to start somewhere with you..." It said.

Jammie had always been a wonderful person. The only one who looked at me and didn't quiver. The brown eyes were always soft and welcoming, almost home... where I felt... dreamed I'd be.

"Anywhere would be fine. It would be a fresh start for us. Let us leave now, and forget all about everyone else. Just us, loving each other. I know you can't deny it. Give us a change, Adam. Don't be afraid..."

It was not even my real name I have given for fear that if my true identity was revealed, I would lose the only thing that made me feel alive. The only person who have seen me passed the mask, and reached out to the man, the broken man beneath.

I sighed as I finished the letter.

"My feelings, I'm afraid, will not be contained anymore. And I do wish for an immediate response from you. Don't think too much of things, as you often do. Just ask yourself this; do you love me?"

Yes.

The answer came quickly this time, like the hesitation at first never existed.

The thunder came in harsh waves as the hard rain continued to pour from the heavens, mirroring the torment I feel. The dead of night willing my tired body to retire, but sleep seems to elude me this time. And so, I sat near the fireplace where I opened the letter Jammie delivered himself.

And yes, I do. More than words could say. More than the heart could feel. More than lips could tell. More than anything else, the fear, the hesitation, the boundary and the consequences of a love between two souls the world deemed forbidden, above all, I do love him.

I got up, and walked towards the desk near the window. I then sat down, opened the drawer to grab some parchments to write to, and then took the quill from the inkwell to pen my response.

Perhaps in another time, much much later than now, where the world has changed, and propriety no longer bounds our heart. Maybe then we can proclaim our love. But for now...

"Dearest James," I started. "I'm afraid your feelings are not reciprocated. Find yourself a decent woman, and settle well in life. Have children then and be a father to them. As for me, war is starting again. And I would be needed there. It was nice knowing you, but goodbye. Sincerely yours, Adolf H."

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