149 DAYS : STILL NEVER YOURS [EDITING]

Chapter 22

Jimin saw Myeong Jo leaving with Jungkook from the window. A wave of relief washed over him. Finally, she was gone. A mistake was out of his life. Even though he told himself this, he wasn’t feeling good. He paced around his room in circles, feeling restless. He couldn't understand why he was so anxious about her. The girl who had betrayed him was finally leaving, and he should be happy about it. Instead, it felt like he was losing a piece of his heart.

His gaze fell on the table where Jungkook had placed a letter, claiming that it was written for him. The letter had been sitting there for some time, as he hadn't felt the need to read it. But at that moment, he felt an overwhelming urge to read it, hoping for something valuable that might calm him down.

Taking the letter, he sat on the bed and began to read it.

“Dear Jimin,

I don’t know if I can explain everything. I have cried so many times and also laughed because of you. I have shared many moments with you, moments that will remain in my heart forever. And I will not deny that it hurts, because a part of me is still where you are. But I am also aware that things have changed and I will not continue to force myself to be with you.

You are exactly what I dreamt of every day of my life. I want to thank you for everything you did for me. Every time you loved me with your words, your caresses and your kisses, you made me the woman I am today.

You made me believe in love. Something I never experienced in my sorrowful life. I know I have snatched away the most invaluable person from your life. But I want you to know it wasn’t my intention. I didn’t know anything when I wished upon that comet. If I could, I would lay down my life to bring back your wife.

I know I made a selfish wish when I should've just died. I know I shouldn’t have kept this a secret. I have caused you too much sadness and stood as a mistake in your eyes. I have become a criminal. The truth is, I feel like I deserve it because I hurt you and that is not what I ever wanted. I always wanted you to be happy and maybe a little bit of me wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I wish you could see everything from my point of view and maybe that way, it would be easier for you to forgive me.

It hurts me that even after all these months, you are still not mine. And I am still not yours. Then I remembered I was never yours to begin with. 149 days don’t matter at all. So I am leaving with this acceptance that I was never your wife and you were never my cutie, sexy, lovely Jimin.

I want you to know that I have never been loved as you did or loved someone as much as you, and will continue to do so beyond death, because now that ours has to end, a part of me dies. I know for sure when I'll go back, I will never be able to smile again. Because my smile will remind me of your cute eye smile. I will never be able to laugh because the sound of my laugh will be incomplete without yours. I will never be able to promise because I have broken all the promises I made to you. Maybe this is what I deserve for doing the biggest mistake of my life. That I loved you like crazy.

But I do not regret completely living with you. Because even if for 149 days, you showed me that I can smile, I can fight, I can be strong, I can be happy and I can love. Yes, I regret losing you but I'm also glad that I found a precious human like you. And I know you will only keep hating me, being mad at me, cursing yourself for thinking of me as your wife, forgetting me, I will still love you.

In this farewell, I wish you all the happiness in the world and find the love and happiness you deserve. I will continue here and live with your memory.  It hurts me you didn’t even want to see me one last time. I'm so very sorry, Jimin. I wish I never made that wish, I wish I never took your wife's place, I wish I never hurt you. I'm beyond sorry for everything. Please just try to forget me and hate me all you want.