Until Our Paths Cross Again

SIMULA

SIMULA

MALAMIG na hangin ang sumalubong sa akin nang makatapak ako sa bansang Netherlands napangiti ako dahil isa lang ito sa mga pangarap ko noon na ngayon ay natupad na. I looked up at the sky while smiling sadly and whispered. Here I am now gradually fulfilling my dream but I am the only one enjoying it. It hurts. But don't worry it's okay I can do it, I can handle it. Kakayanin.

It's been a year. Everything that hurts me is now forgotten. I forgot them all. I stood up for myself to achieve all my dreams without asking for help from anyone. Hindi ko sila kailangan. Sila ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ko naranasan maging masaya habang nasa puder nila. My life was hell and horrible when I was with them.

But I can't deny that I'm grateful because it all happened for a reason. Wala ako sa kinatatayuan ko ngayon kung hindi nila pinaramdam sa akin na wala akong silbi para sa kanila, kung hindi nila araw-araw pinapaalala na walang magandang mangyayari sa buhay ko.

They always ignore the good things I have done but they never fail to praise all my mistakes. My life is so cruel, isn't it?

I have many dreams in life, I told my mommy that I want to go to the Netherlands when she was still alive because I want to see beautiful and many tulips in that place.

"Mommy, I want to go to the Netherlands with you!!! I want to see the beautiful flowers there! Didn't you tell me you would take me there? Diba mommy?" pangungulit ko sa kanya kaya nginitian n'ya ako bago ako pinaupo sa pagitan ng mga hita n'ya.

"Yes anak, we will go there but promise me you will be kind hmm? I will show you the different colors of flowers there. Tulips, You look like tulips baby, because you always brighten my day" aniya at hinalikan ako sa noo kaya ngumiti lang ako sa kanya.

"Do you know what kind of tulips you are?" tanong n'ya kaya napanguso ako at napaisip.

"No mommy!" nakangusong ani ko dahilan para matawa sya at tuluyang hinarap ako sa kanya.

"You are the yellow tulips Anak, maybe you are hopeless now but you will shine in your own way and you will be filled with hope and happiness." aniya at nagulat ako nang may tumulong luha sa mga mata nya.

"Why are you crying mommy? Hala I don't pressure you naman po to go there agad" malungkot kong sabi natawa naman sya at agad akong niyakap.

"You're so cute baby, It's just tears of joy anak, I'm happy because you're here. Promise to Mommy that no matter what happens you will fulfill your dream hmm? I love you, Anak" sabi nya habang umiiyak at niyakap n'ya ako.

Nung araw na iyon din ay isinugod si Mommy sa hospital dahil bigla nalang itong nahimatay. That day is what I curse until now. Mommy died because of Leukemia, no one knew even one of us. I was 6 years old that time, Daddy blamed me for the reason why my mommy died because he said that she was too tired because of me. I cried. I could do nothing but cry. I blamed myself because if I hadn't let Mommy come out with me, she might still be alive.

She was the only good thing that happened in my life. She is the only one who understands me in everything. Ang depinisyon ng pagmamahal ay sa kanya ko unang naramdaman pero mukhang gano'n talaga ang buhay may aalis at may dadating, may aalis dahil tapos na ang misyon nila sa buhay mo pero may dadating din para iparamdam sa'yo muli ang pagmamahal. Pero paulit-ulit lang. May nakilala akong akala ko makakasama ko na hanggang sa dulo. We let go of each other because we needed it for ourselves. He is one of the reasons why I fulfilled this dream of mine, he always reminds me that I can do everything. I love him and he loves me too but I need to prove something just to be accepted by his family. I just don't know if I can prove it now because he looks happy with another woman. I smiled when I remembered the memory of him with me. I wish that would happen again, but it is impossible to happen.

"Good day, ma'am. The car that will take you to the hotel where you are staying is already there." sabi ng babaeng batid kong nag-assist sa akin kanina paglabas ko ng eroplano. Pinunasan ko ang aking luha at nakangiti s'yang tinanguan.

I'm your tulips because my life shines again for you Mom, for the dream of the two of us that I will fulfill. I love her, I love you mommy.

To be continued...