Corrupted, Damaged, And Beautiful

F O R T Y O N E

Nate

A week passed and Daisy still wasn't awake. I was losing my mind. Why couldn't she just wake up? It had been nearly four months, Christmas was almost here.

"Daddy? I really want mommy to wake up now." Hope climbed onto my lap, blankie in hand, with eyes so sad.

"I know baby, so do I." I gave her a cuddle, rubbing her back. "Would you like to see her again?" It was a rational decision. It was about eight in evening, she should have been in bed. But I was missing Daisy more than ever tonight too.

"Yes! Can we go now?" She jumped up, accidentally kicking me in the stomach. I hid a groan.

"Of course, go put your slippers on. You can go in your pyjamas."

I chucked a pair of sweats on with a plain T-shirt while she found her slippers, and waited at the door. She came running in with so much excitement, I couldn't contain my smile. She was so precious. I picked her up and carried her to the car.

I was surprised she hadn't fell asleep in the car, but once we got there she was still just as excited. "We have to be extra quiet tonight baby."

Pulling a confused face, she asked, "Why, daddy?"

"Because it's late, so some people will be sleeping. We have to whisper like this." I whispered the latter, and she giggled. "Come on, gorgeous."

"Mommy always used to say I was beautiful. Is that the same thing?" The things she asked were so cute.

"Yes baby, lets go."

We strolled hand-in-hand through the dark hospital corridors. There were lights on, but it was so quiet and morbid, it felt there was no real light. It felt dark and miserable in here; just like me inside. We turned a left toward her ward and I froze in my steps. There was no police officer stood operating the door and controlling who went in and out. I panicked, does that mean something has happened?

"Hope, could you just wait here?" I pointed to the row of chairs and she nodded. I didn't want her out of my sight, I could see her sitting here.

I took a few steps closer to the door, doctors and nurses running in and out, faltering in my steps.

"Where's Nate? Where's Hope?"

That soft voice I loved to hear so much shot through my ears. What? She was awake. No. I was hearing things, she wasn't. I shut my eyes, took deep breaths and shook my head lightly. I couldn't get my hopes up if I was just imagining it. I slowly opened my eyes, Doctor Hammond and the detective in my view.

"Mr Clarke, May we talk?" Dr Hammond asked.

"What's happened? Tell me."

They both looked at each other, before pulling me to the side.

"We think Robert has been in here-" The detective started, but I cut him off.

"What do you mean, you think?!" I bellowed, fists clenching at my side.

"Nate, please calm down. Hope can hear you." The detective warned, making me realise I had to be careful. She couldn't see me angry. "A guy came in, dark hair, glasses, claiming to be her brother-"

"She doesn't even have a brother, does she?" I was fuming.

He gave me a stern look for interrupting him. "No, we checked it all out. But he was the same height and build as Robert. He didn't get access to the room, but she may have seen him through the window."

My mind spun at a hundred miles an hour. She may have seen him? She's awake? I did hear her voice. Clearly noticing the trauma on my face from all those thoughts, the doctor spoke.

"She's awake, Mr Clarke." He smiled. "But we haven't told her anything yet, I think she understands your baby didn't survive, but we're not sure. We thought you may want to inform her. We're running some tests, checking her over, and then you can see her. What made you come? We were just about to call."

"We both just really missed her, more than ever. We had to come, I'm so glad I did."

I'd never felt so happy. My insides were exploding. She's awake. She's alive, healthy and mine. I didn't realise tears had dropped down my cheeks until Dr Hammond passed me a tissue. I'd never felt so relieved in my entire life. I felt the ring in my pocket, excited for the right time to ask. I couldn't wait to make them both officially mine.

I rushed over to Hope, her tiny face morphing into concern when she noticed my tears. "Mommy's awake, baby." I cradled her to my chest, crying into her shoulder. "We can go see her in a minute."

"Yay!!! Mommy!" She yelled, looking towards her room.

"We have to wait baby, it won't be long-"

"Hope!" I heard her voice and spun so quick I almost lost my footing.

"Daisy, you need to be in bed-" The Doctor informed, but she completely blocked him out.

"My baby, Nate." She was stood outside the door, wearing a hospital gown. Her eyes looked so tired and sore I wanted to kiss them better. I walked towards her, she started walking too. We met halfway and I grabbed her with my free arm, careful not to hurt her, and held her so tight. For months, a piece of me had been missing; now it was here, my heart felt complete and fixed. Everything felt perfect.

Less than half an hour ago I was anguished. I couldn't explain how I felt now. It was so strange, how quick everything had changed, but it was amazing. I couldn't believe I was holding her again.

"I missed you so much, I love you baby. I'm so happy you're awake." I sobbed, tears still falling, and I felt a wet patch on the middle of my shirt where she was also crying. It felt like a dream.

"Mommy, I've missed you so much! There's so much to tell you! I have a new teacher and everything!" Hope said, so excited and happy. I kissed them both on the head, as we stood a few minutes longer in each others arms.

I decided to lead her back to her room. I noticed she wasn't walking right, so I placed Hope down and helped her. "What's wrong? Are you still sore where you were hurt?" She looked up at me and nodded.

"It's just a little sharp. You look so handsome," she rubbed the overgrown stubble on my cheek. I forgot I had it so bad. "Should keep it." She bit her lip, it was as if nothing had happened. I couldn't help the smirk that developed.

"I love you so much," I kissed her lightly on the lips, but she deepened it.

"I love you too."

"I hate to disturb you love birds, but you need rest Daisy. You've only just woken up, it can be traumatising for a person. I'm surprised you're even out of bed, most patients don't dare get out when they first wake up." He laughed, shaking his head at her.

My little fighter.

"Sorry, Doctor." She climbed back in, Hope curling up into her side. "Oh, baby. You're so much taller and more beautiful than ever."

I stood in awe as they had their mom and daughter moment. I realised we needed to talk about our baby, but didn't know how to bring it up. So I sat beside her and waited until Hope dropped off. I was still in shock this was happening to me.

As soon as soft snores sounded through the room, I held her hand in mine. "We need to talk, baby"

She looked at me, no expression.

"It's about the baby," I said, her head dropping and tears forming in her eyes.

"They didn't tell me, but I knew as soon as I woke up. Something wasn't right Nate." She started to cry, and I grabbed her.

"They said baby wouldn't have survived, it broke me Daisy." I took a deep breath trying to minimise my own tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, it isn't your fault. We both lost our baby." There was a pause, until she spoke again. "I want more with you, I want so much with you Nate."

"I want it all too." I was so happy to hear those words. She still wanted me, she still loved me.

We cried together, gripping each other tight, as we absorbed each other's grief.

She was awake, my life was finally complete.