Somewhere In Between

BasketBOLERO at Luha

"that's pretty much obvious anj, what I want to know is, why?"

takang taka talaga ako.

Mabait naman si Chad, masipag, maprinsipyo. I met him back in college, varsity player sya sa school, at alam naman natin, pag kasali sa mga ganung grupo instant heartthrob ang peg mo.

 So un nga, he is one of the famous guys. Regular topic ng mga girls habang nag papaganda sa c.r, maliban sakin.

I don't know why, but im not into popular guys, they sounds trouble to me. Parang naririnig ko pa lang names nila nararamdaman ko ng cheaters sila, ewan, paranoid lang siguro ako, but then atleast I can save myself from a heartache as worst as anj had.

 High school pa lang kami nung naging kaybigan ko si bakla, closet queen pa sya nun at isa pa sa mga tinitilian ng mga harot kong classmates dahil nga sa ka "gwapuhan" nya.

 anak mayaman, matalino.

panlaban sa mga quiz bee,

un nga lang,

may gender malfunction pala.

kasama ko sya sa isang org dati, we became very close after that, at sakin sya unang nag out.

nainlove sya sa isang varsity player din na classmate namin nung 4th year, the feeling is mutual "daw" sabi ni bakla.

They even went for some dates, na alam ko namang hindi lang ilusyon ni anj kasi nakita ko with my own eyes ung ganung kaganapan ng minsang mag chaperone ako sa kanila para hindi sila masyadong halata, in case may makakita sa kanila sa mall, kunwari daw friendly stroll lang.

pero one day, nakita namin si boylet na may kahawak kamay na girl from other school.

Durog ang puso ni bakla.

Ubos ang luha.

Napuno ng drama.

Ilang linggo din na kaylangan ko pa syang kaladkarin sa kwarto nya para lang pumasok.

akala pa ng daddy nya may relasyon kami ng huwad nyang unico hijo.

Depressed na depressed sya nun, laging nagyayaya sa kung saan saang bar, naglalasing.

Okay lang daw kahit panoorin ko lang sya, hindi pa kasi ako nainom nun.

Sayaw sya ng sayaw sa mga wild music. If I don't know him, I might think that he is just an ordinary guy having fun. But I know better.

I never seen him cry. Lagi lang nangigitim ang ilalim ng mata. He still smile when we are together, but it's a smile that never reaches his eyes. Ngiting walang ningning. Ngiting mapagpanggap. Maybe he is trying to look stronger than he really is.

And that only hurts me even more, I can only imagine how hard it is to join in quiz bees with that kind of thing in his head. I can feel his pain whenever we see that asshole in school. I can sense his loneliness.

I never asked why he is keeping the act. Why he need to stage being the strong man who can make it despite the pain. I never asked why he never shed a tear. Kahit alam ko namang uniiyak sya gabi gabi, baka nga hindi lang gabi gabi, baka umiiyak sya pag may pagkakataon, pag walang nakakakita. I never asked, kahit gusto ko sana na iiyak nya sakin ang lahat. Mabawasan man lang ung bigat na nararamdaman nya, I just want to make him feel better. But I let him do his thing. I let him stir his own coffee.

His silent agony may be unnoticeable to others. But it is as loud as a bang for me.

That's why I must admit that I really want to punch that asshole in that pretty face of his na ginagamit nya to hurt other people. I wanted to confront him and curse him for everything he did to my best friend.

But then I decided not to. If anj had kept all the hurt within himself just to appear strong in front of this bastard, why would I let him have the satisfaction of knowing that my best friend is a mess without him?

So I played along. I kept my mouth shot. We went on with our lives like before, like that thing never happened.

But at the back of my mind, I know everything is real.

so I bowed that I will never let my self be a victim of that kind of heartache.

but then Chad came..