Almost

2

My first day of classes went quick dahil most of the professors ay absent at ang ibang present ay walang ipinagawa. Maaga rin na-dismiss ang klase dahil na rin sa wala pang ginagawa. Sumabay ako kay Sonaya pauwi dahil wala akong sasakyan at si kuya mukhang hindi pa rin ako papansinin. Hindi ko alam dyan kay kuya kung bakit ganyan ang attitude nyan.

Wala naman akong ginagawang masama maliban sa fact na nag-try si Angielee na kausapin ako nuong nakaraang linggo. Wala naman kaming ibang napagusapan ni Angielee maliban sa kung ano na ang lagay ni kuya, bakit hindi pa rin kami bumabalik ng Louisiana at bakit hindi nagrereply si kuya sa messages niya. Hindi naman plando na magkita kami ng ex nya sa mall ano.

Ang ex nya ang unang nag-approach sa akin, kinausap ko dahil kahit papaano ay naging close din kami nuon ni Angielee. I told mom about sa encounter ko kay Angielee and of course she told kuya about that. He came storming inside my room and yelled at me saying how crazy I was kasi hindi ko man lang ipinakausap si Angielee sa kanya. Malay ko bang gusto nyang kausapin yon diba?

I heard a soft knock on my door kaya tumayo ako at binuksan ang pinto. There standing is my Kuya Angelo. I raised my eyebrow at him waiting patiently for him to yell at me but the yell never came.

"Zia, I—" He's hesitant. Is he okay? "Can we talk?" Oh no. Sisigawan na niya ako.

"Of course, come in." I moved a little to make some room for him and motioned him to get inside my room.

As he got inside I can tell he's tensed. What's bothering him? It's making me feel uncomfortable already. Uncomfortable and curious at the same time.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" I softly asked, careful not to make him yell at me. Alam kong sisigawan ako nito anytime soon.

"About last week," Crap. I knew it. I braced myself for the loud voice that would come out of his mouth, "I'm sorry."

What? Did I heard him say sorry? As confusing as it is, I can't believe he's not yelling.

"Bakit hindi ka sumisigaw?" I asked mindlessly. With wide eyes I immediately covered my mouth, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I'm just. I'm so—"

"It's okay, I'm sorry I acted like a douche last week." he cutted me off. I can't believe he's apologizing. To me. Out of all people.

He handed me a folded paper with my name written on it "Read it. I'm not really good at speaking words so it'll probably be better than me blabbering shitty words in front of you." he smiled at me then he walked out of my room.

I unfolded the paper and began to read the letter my brother wrote me.

           Dear Zia,
                  I'm sorry about last week. i didn't mean to act like a douche. i was just shocked that she talked to you. Wala ka namang kasalanan you should know that. Sorry if i blamed you for our breakup. It has nothing to do with you believe me. I know she told you na she was reaching out for me yet i didn't even bother to respond to anything. The reason is that im afraid. Yes, you read that right. Your big brother is afraid. Takot ako na kapag kinausap ko na naman siya uli ay bibigay na naman yung wall na binuo ko para sa puso ko. I can't risk my heart for another heartbreak Zia.

                 Alam kong hindi mo pa ito maiintindihan ngayon dahil bata ka pa pero kapag dumating ka na sa point na iniwan ka ng pinakamamahal mo, guguho yung mundo mo. Hindi kita tinatakot pero nagsasabi lang ako ng totoo. I thought if i stay here, If i would just stay here then maybe, just maybe she'll come back. Yes she did. Bumalik sya pero may kasama na syang iba. Hindi ko kayang makita siyang masaya kasama ng iba Zia. Mahal ko si Angielee pero alam kong may mahal na siyang iba. All those years that I've spent here siya lang yung laman ng puso at isip ko. Madami akong nakilala, alam mo yan. Alam niyo ni mama yan pero walang nakapantay kay Angielee. Sinubukan kong magmahal ng iba. Believe me i tried pero kahit anong gawin ko, bumabalik yung puso ko kay Angielee kahit alam kong may nakapalit na sa akin sa puso niya. She's the only constant in my life when she was mine and now she's with someone else. My heart still constantly beats for her and my mind's still constantly filled with her thoughts. I love Angielee with all of me kaya takot ako na kausapin siya uli dahil alam kong kapag ginawa ko iyon, guguho ako. She made me feel like myself. With her i can be as carefree as i can. With her i feel like i can take on anything kasi when I'm with her, i'm not afraid. She gave me light and direction. Siya yung tanging babae na pinangakuan ko ng kasal, ng habang buhay na pagmamahal. Ngayon? Ngayon ikakasal na siya sa iba. Hindi ko kayang makita iyon Zia. Hindi ko kayang tanggapin yung ganoong katotohanan. I got mad at you kasi you talked to her. I know na naging close kayo. I got mad kasi since nagkaroon kayo uli ng koneksyon, pakiramdam ko babalik siya para durugin uli yung puso kong durog na durog na.