He didn't know how much it hurt. He had no idea what was going on inside my head or the negative thoughts creeping through.
I gave him my all, my everything. I put so much time and effort into him which I couldn't get back.
His mouth was moving but I couldn't hear a word. All I could hear was my heartbeat banging against my ear drums.
He didn't want me anymore. Those are the words that kept replaying in my head.
I was so happy with him. He was my everything I've never loved anyone as much as I've loved him yet he didn't want me.
I wanted him to hug me tight and tell me it was all a lie but I also wanted him to walk away so he wouldn't see me cry. I was strong, but not that strong. I always refused to cry in front of another soul but what else could I do when the person I love was saying goodbye.
We hadn't been together that long but I couldn't imagine myself without him. I though I had loved my past lovers but nothing compares to what I feel for him.
He was the one. Why would I feel this way if he wasn't meant to be mines forever? The universe couldn't have been this cruel.
I wanted to stop him. To tell him I was the best thing for him. That I was meant for him. That he couldn't be whole without me. That we were created for each other.
Instead I stood there unable to form any words. I was afraid to speak. Not of it's contents but of the way it would come out. I was afraid of my voice cracking and looking weak. Of him laughing at my feelings.
As he walked away I fell to the ground on my knees. I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't be without him. I wasn't ready.
I couldn't see a thing. I tried looking around but it was useless. Tears covered my vision and the liquid flowed down my face as they overflowed.
I tried to wipe my eyes but it didn't help. I couldn't stop it. New tears formed as fast as they left my eyes.
I sat there for what felt like hours. I felt empty and alone. No one was here to wipe my tears and tell me it would all be okay.
After I ran out of tears I composed myself. I walked home and stood at the door for a minute.
I put a fake smile on my face before walking inside. I was greeted by my mother and I told her I was fine, that it had been a good day.
I hoped she would notice my puffy red eyes and ask, but she didn't. She walked away pleased with my fake response.
I wasn't sure if I was a good liar or if no one actually cared.
I walked to my room and laid in bed. Once my head hit the pillows the liquid fell out my eyes like a water fall all over again.
I thought about how I couldn't been a better girlfriend and handled situations different to not disappoint him.
It seemed silly to cry over some stupid boy but I couldn't help it. I had fallen in love with someone who didn't love me.
I hoped he'd text and end my suffered but I knew that wouldn't happen. I wanted to stop breathing and stop hurting.
I also knew this wouldn't last forever. I knew that I could move on. That a guy wouldn't determine my happiness.
I knew that one day I'd meet someone else. That they would love me so much I wouldn't know how to react. Someday someone would love and accept me for who I am. A love so strong that I would forget about my current one. They I'd think back to this day and see how dumb and crazy I was.
But today wasn't the day. Today I had to suffer. Today I'd have to feel as if the world was ending and as if I was dying. But I knew it couldn't last forever.
Because why would I be sent here to suffer?
