Meghan Mallory's Diary

Chapter Two: Shannon

Hi everyone, here's the second chapter of this Shannon Leto fanfic. It'll be a slow burner but I hope you enjoy the story as it unfolds. Have a great weekend and hopefully I'll find time to update next week. Love to you all xxx

The night was unusually hot and the sweat was gathering in a pool in the small of his back.

Shannon turned over and felt the trickle of moisture run down his hip leaving a damp patch on the white cotton sheet wrapped loosely around his body.

He couldn't sleep.

The illuminated dial of his clock showed it was 3.10 am.

An hour had passed and still, he was looking at those darkened shadows and the eerie shapes they cast across his bedroom walls.

The events of the past few months had taken their toll. The endless summer festivals across Europe had left him exhausted and he wanted nothing more than to hide away from the cameras and the fans and the pressures that weighed heavy on his shoulders.

And just as he was finding some sort of inner peace, this happens.

He turned over and looked at the book on his bedside table.

The smell of the leather binding still lingered on his fingers but it was the words that were engraved in the darkest recesses of his mind.

And the more he tried to forget, the more hard-wired his brain was to recall the vivid details recounted in those pages.

In the two weeks since it came into his possession, he'd been unable to think of anything other than the diary.

Every waking hour he'd been online researching and reading the endless stories about socialite Meghan Mallory. He'd spent more time than he cared to admit, scrolling through images of her on the arm of husband Mark Jenson; out shopping with friends; drinking coffee in stylish Seattle cafes.

To all intents and purposes, Meghan Mallory was the glamorous, carefree wife of a super-rich businessman.

But the moment Shannon found her diary, that carefully curated image had exploded into a million crystal fragments; razor-sharp and each reflecting a life of smoke and mirrors.

Two Weeks Previous.....

"So what were you thinking when you had that last anxiety attack?"

Shannon shifted in his chair and looked out at the calm waters of Elliott Bay. He'd been coming to these sessions for the past couple of months now to clear his head and try to fight the demons which had been a constant in his life for as long as he could remember.

His therapist was discreet and he'd come to relish the regular unburdening of his soul. The office was minimalist to the point of being bare, with just a few anonymous prints decorating white walls. There were few distractions and that's what he liked about the place. It gave him space to clear his mind and concentrate on his thoughts.

"Shannon?"

He looked up and cleared his throat to break the silence. "Sorry, I was just thinking about what may be triggered the attack." 

He paused for a moment, thinking about the girl in the cafe; her dark wavy hair, olive skin and green eyes. Of course she wasn't Laurel. She never would be. The similarity though had panicked him.

"It was Laurel. I thought I saw her. I was out having brunch with friends and this girl .... she walked past me..."

He had been ambushed first by the smell: citrus fresh evoking memories of summer sunshine and lazy beach days. He recalled running into the surf holding Laurel's hand, pulling her under the water, and kissing the saltiness of her sweet lips. They were carefree days. He referred to them as the Laurel days. Their motto had been Carpe Diem.

And they squeezed the life out of every hour, not just every day.

The girl had brought all those memories and more crashing around him. The flashbacks had intensified, he felt short of breath and he'd got up and left the cafe and his friends behind him.

The therapist sat and listened. "Do you recall how we talked about dealing with those situations. Remember those coping techniques we discussed?"

Her voice had an intense calming effect on him. Shannon nodded and looked up, establishing eye contact for the first time. He noticed how her hands remained folded in her lap, her expression giving nothing away.

"I tried." His voice faded away as the feelings and the emotions they triggered hit him in the gut. "But I failed. Again."

No matter how deep the breaths and no matter how much he concentrated his senses on the present, his mind had been dragged back to Laurel: her laughter, the non-stop chatter, the light she had brought into his dark life.

And then that burning beacon had been snuffed out.

He had met Laurel three years earlier; a friend of a friend who had soon become the center of his universe. She was the sun that burned brightly in his life and their friendship soon turned into a romantic partnering of two kindred spirits.

"I just need to move on but it's not getting any easier," he said, folding his arms behind his head. He was aware she was watching his every facial expression and probably trying to analyze his body language. 

It was always at this point, when she started to probe deeper, that he felt the need to escape. 

"So what would make it easier? Have you thought about the future and what it might hold for you?" She paused and he listened as her pen scraped across the pad in front of her. She looked up and smiled. "Have you considered going out on a date with another woman?"

Shannon felt the muscles in his neck tense. Sure the idea had surfaced in his darkest moments when he needed the release only flesh would provide.

His thoughts would go to the wire; dangerously close to handing over credit card details for a discreet and simple solution to an age-old problem.

But the thought of living with the ugly memories, and the thought of Laurel, had pulled him back from the brink.

"No, I haven't been with another woman and I probably won't," he replied, letting his arms slide down into his lap. "I'm not trying to replace Laurel. She was one-of-a-kind. I loved her and I won't let myself get hurt again."

The silence dragged on and he ran his tongue over his lips. She was waiting for more but he wasn't ready. Today of all days, he needed time out, time alone to compose himself and deal with his thoughts in the only way he knew.

He pushed himself up off the couch, his vest top hanging off muscled shoulders. Normally he would have covered up for these visits but today was different.

Today he'd run out the house without looking back. The dark demons were bubbling below the surface, their powerful forces just waiting to drag him under.

"I'm not rushing you Shannon," she said, keeping her voice measured, all the time watching him. "I want you to understand I'm here to help, not to judge. I want you to go home and practice some of those coping mechanisms we've discussed."

She placed her pen down and looked out the window at the shimmering waters below. "You know Shannon." She paused and turned around, noting his unkempt hair and loose-fitting training pants. "There's a lot of life to live out there and it's waiting for you. You always said your motto with Laurel was Carpe Diem."

He snapped to attention at the mention of those words. Visions of pure sandy beaches, chaotic city sidewalks and clear blue seas came to mind; those moments when he was truly free and with Laurel.

"Go and seize the day Shannon. Go and honor Laurel and those special moments you both had before it's too late."