Welcome to my TED talk

Talk 1

Heyy so it's been a while lol. I know I said I was going to write here in quarantine 🤡 but my life is actually really boring. No cap. I mean I dont even leave my house that much. The only time I ever left my house was to go to school and help my mom go shopping. 

So I live in america and I see other countries living outside of quarantine and I'm here like america sucks and people are dumb. Like wear your masks karen 🙄 so I can have a soccer season.

Anyways I just came here to say that summer is over and I dont have a big butt, tiny waist, and my life is still a mess. Everyone's getting thier glow ups and I still look the same. But um good news is I finally decided to exercise and so now I do a small workout. (Baby steps guys)

Yooooooooo oh my goodness, so my brother went vegan 😳 like in January. I know that was 8 months ago I haven't updated in a while and it was a shock to everyone in my family because that kid devours meat.

I dont think hes ever going un-vegan (I dont care if it's not a word lol) but it all started when he watched this documentary on netflix called game changers and so now hes vegan for "athletic excellence". He tried to get me on the diet and I'm already lactose intolerant  but. . .

*quick science lesson even though no one asked*

I'm gluten free. Some of you might be asking: gluten? Who's she? I dont know her. 

Ok so gluten is in flour which is in bread, pastries, cereals, etc. (Practically the american diet 😭)

And a lot of vegan foods like tofu have soy. Soy + me = 😵

Why? Soy has gluten! So my stomach literally cries out in agony cause I swear I feel my intestines moving. So I told him what do you want me to eat? Air? I dont think I could survive solely on plants and gluten free carbs. Like I'd hate for someone to take me out and for me to say yeah I'm gluten free and vegan so why dont we just have water?

I already feel bad when I tell people I cant eat stuff and why add more restrictions on myself? No thank you ma'am.

Yall oh my gosh 😍 this family of three came over to get to know us so we could take care of thier baby since the mom is a 5th grade English teacher and with the pandemic still going on she cant be a mom and work at the same time, she needed extra help. *coughs* My family.

Obviously we had masks on and when we ate we practiced social distancing. But the cute part of this story happens after my mom volunteered me to take the baby and play with it on our trampoline. (Since the baby was tired of hearing the adults talking and honestly I have to say same baby boy) As I carry this baby to our trampoline I ask him if he wants to climb in himself or needs me to help him.

I forgot the baby doesn't speak yet. *slaps forehead* he just stared at me lol. So I just carry him in.  And kind of plop him on it and sit down. The baby lowkey freaks out, like he clings to me for dear life.

The baby's pretty chill and climbs over my limbs like I'm some play ground and to be honest I'm here for it.  Kids are so cute and I love it when they love me haha. (Guys chill I'm not egotistical . . . or am I 👀)

So we're chilling, listening to nature. I show him some leaves that are near us and he sticks it in his mouth. I laugh. He stares. We bounce for a bit but no jumping cause I'm not that strong lol. He starts to get irritated so we sit and lean against the net of the trampoline and he puts his head on my boobs and sits on my thigh. He kind of gives me a hug since his arms are grabbing on to me. I decide to kind of rub my fingers on his back to relax him and play with his hair and he ends up falling asleep 😍 adorable.

So we lay there and after a while his parents are about to leave and so they spot me and my social anxiety goes up and idk how to act. I can see them talking about me and idk whether to stare at them, look away,  or act like I never saw them. I do a bit of all three and 5 mins later the mom comes and takes a picture of us and I smile but I dont know if shes only taking a picture of her son and my boob or what. Cause shes a couple feet away.

God, I'm so awkward. 

What's even worse was I didnt know how to get the baby off of me without waking him up and not making the dad feel awkward too as he half comes inside the trampoline to grab his kid. Finally they leave and the mom is gushing on how her son loves me and whatever and I'm here smelling myself because I realize I smell like baby. Which isnt bad, just weird.

So yeah, that happened today and I wanted to tell you guys. I got sidetracked with the vegan story 😝 but this was I guess the main point of me posting this. (I'm sorry if I dont make sense)

I'm almost at 1000 words 😳

ANYWAYS I'll be leaving now.

Wait hold up . . . should I add dates to this? Is that weird? You know what imma just do it.

8. 23. 2020

Bye gorgeous :) I hope you have a great day

Thanks for coming to my TED talk ✌
*blows a virtual kiss*