If I fall

If i ink

Sofia's POV

I widened my eyes at the mess of blood I had created. Why the fuck do you do this Sofia.? I'll tell you why. Because I hate myself. Yeah, I may of stopped cutting and crying and seemed stronger. But how fucking weak and tired I was am inside is blinding. I can't be strong anymore.

"Honey, you all-right" my mom asked.

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just gonna take a shower" I smiled. My smiles. They all seem to be fake now.

"Okay honey. Dinner is ready" She replies, going to turn away.

"I already ate." I might as well not even attempt to  try and eat anymore.

"Oh. Okay sweetie." She sighs, closing my door.

I waited until her footsteps fade away and turn my stereo off. I sigh and pull on my big asking Alexandria hoodie and yank on my Pink sweats. Then I cry. I curl into myself and sob until my body gives out and I fall asleep.

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I woke up with a jolt. 8:53 am.
   Shit.
     I ran to my car and pull  my hair into a messy bun... I looked like shit. My eyes were puffy and my nose looked like Rudolph's. I pulled some foundation out of my bag and dabbed it on. Trying to make myself look decent.

"Late again"  Zoe smirk  while perched on Zach's lap. My eyes filling with water.

"Fuck off" I growl and sit in the back. Alone.

Loneliness is the worst. When you're alone you do dumb stuff. You are weak and vulnerable. like a lost puppy.
     I just hate being alone. Loneliness kills. It makes you feel so lost and lowers your ego, that is if you have much of one. I just can't stand the silence that speaks the truth. And the truth is that the pain inside never stopped, I just knew how to control it but. now that Zach left. I feel lost I'm relapsing into the cycle of cutting. I am turning fake again.

"Oh are you sad now that lover boy has left you?" Zoe chuckle. I ignore her as she scoffs  and straddles Zach. I couldn't stand this anymore.              I walked out of the class holding in my sobs and ran to my car.
    Cut. Cut. Cut. Is all I hear from the voices. I got my razor and slice into my left wrist. Once satisfied I turned the keys in the ignition and drove home. My mom wasn't here. Yay.

Ring
Ring

I looked down to see Codi's contact.

Decline.

I just wished I was never born. I'm not good enough I'm just a fucking waste ya know.

I got a tub of ice cream and a movie and ran to my room. I slide under my covers and sob while eating the cookie dough ice cream. Once I finished it I looked in the mirror only to see a slob. I wish I was how I acted. Badass, but you can't always get what you want.

I took some pills and drifted off to oblivion.

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I awoke to the sound of a beeping noise. Opened my eyes to only see white. Then I saw my dad, I ran to hug him but I couldn't touch him.

"Daddy why can't I touch you" I asked.

"It's not your time yet honey. You have yet to live your life. You have a large time to live you are smart and don't hide these scars sweetie. My dearest Sofia, you are going to get through the fight. Remember that you have me in your heart and that me and others love you. That boy loves you too." My dad says as I feel the tears fall.

"I miss you. A lot of people do" I said while looking down at my cuts and scars.

"Honey please stop doing this to yourself. It pains me to see you like this I know you miss me and you are having a troubling time right now, but you need to be strong. Don't let them get to you" he said and faded away. I opened my eyes to see Zach and my mother asleep, both with eye bags and Zach holding my hand.

"Mom" I whisper in a raspy voice.

"Baby" I turned around to see Zach with tearstained cheeks.

"Why are you here" I ask in my still raspy voice.

"I love you" he whispers.

"I love you too" I smile. "Can I have some water?" I ask.

"Sure. I might as well tell the doctors you're awake. "

"Wait. How long was I out?" I ask?

"A week" he sighs I widened my eyes.

"Yeah," he shrugs and walks out.

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I was now walking out of the hospital and I was getting in my car when my mom stopped me.

"Honey you need to tell me when something is wrong. Eve was the one who told me about  how you got a call. Zach had to tell me the whole story. Honey you had me so worried" Mom whispers while holding back tears. I dropped a tear and decided to hug her.

I don't know how long we were like that but it felt nice to be accepted by someone even if they weren't my biological family.

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"Mom, am I a bad ass" I asked her.

"Yes honey and don't try and bump up the detention score" she chuckles and I snort.

"What would make me look more bad ass so no one bugs me" I ask, beseeching her.

"A tattoo or a piercing why honey?" she questions. I smile and thank her and run to my car.

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"Hello what would you want today" the lady ask. She has bright blue Japanese anime cut hair and size eight gauges and tattoos all over her right arm and neck.

"Hello. May I get that sleeve tattoo and a dream Catcher on my side and the zero gauges" I said as they asked me what I wanted.

"Okay. You may take a seat as the tattoo designer cleans up his station." I nod and wait.

"Miss, the tattooist is ready" I nod and walk in. I take off my shirt as instructed along with my bra and he got the needles ready.

Hi LOVLIES I love you all bye