On You | A Hwang Hyunjin Oneshot

On You

HWANG HYUNJIN.

That pair of eyes that seem like they'll tear me down yet makes me comfortable. Those plump lips that pucker up whenever he thinks hard, or when he's feeling bad. That soft, white skin that is very maintained. His hips that he moves ever so gracefully each time he enters the dance floor. That oh so beautiful voice that he continues to improve each day and night. That wonderful personality that some people may not understand but I do, I always do.

His laughter makes me giggly, his tears bring me so much pain. His hugs, warmer than wearing a wool padded sweater. His smile that gives me butterflies in my stomach.

His whole being is precious.

And I'm happy that I met him in this messed up life of mine.

He's my everything, the one who completes my day.

Even though he's not mine.

I looked at the clock hanging on my wall. In three hours, he'll be on air.

"One, two, three! Hello, we are Stray Kids!"

I smiled while staring on the screen of my laptop. He was there, smiling alongside his groupmates. He looks genuinely happy, like how he always do.

Funny, I have his photo as my phone's wallpaper, but I never had any posters of him lingering in my room. Maybe because I just wanted my imagination of him to be as realistic as possible.

I forgot how many times I've replayed one of his vlogs, the one with his dog Kkami. It was so soft I actually cried, realizing that I'll never have the chance to stand beside him. That someday, he'll meet someone who will make him feel complete like how he made me feel. That person will definitely make him happy, and that person will never be me.

My smile faded as those thoughts run in my mind while watching their video. Such excruciating pain have I felt in my chest. I am truth-slapping myself. It hurts.

—————

Announcement for the winners of the Meet and Call with Stray Kids! We will send you an email and once you receive the message, prepare for a 15-minute conversation with your Stray Kids member of choice!

This is nerve-wracking. I have been waiting for this moment. I hope I'm one of the winners. Please, let it be.

I heard a notification pop from my laptop. Frantically, I checked it. It was an email from JYPE.

I got in.

I GOT IN!

It was my chance to talk to Hyunjin one on one. Sure, it may not be face-to-face due to the pandemic, but at least I get to be with him for 15 minutes at max.

At the day of the Meet and Call, I dressed up. I wore the minimal makeup that I knew how. I practiced my English speaking skills, so that I won't stutter once he starts talking to me.

Once I'm finished prepping up, I sat in front of my phone, waiting for the call. After a few seconds, the screen lit up and flashed Hwang Hyunjin, in front of my eyes.

He was so ethereal, I wanted to slap my face right at that very moment because I couldn't believe that this was happening. I just stared at him, still amazed that Hyunjin is in front of me, smiling widely like the sunshine.

"Hey, are you okay?" he said that made me snap back to reality.

I blinked a few times and shook my head before talking to him. "I-I'm so sorry, it's just that, I can't believe this is happening right now. Can you please tell me if this is just a dream because I don't wanna wake up."

His eyes widened. Cute. "Oh no, no, no. You should still wake up. It's bad if you don't ever wake up from a dream," he said, worried. I just laughed and told him that I was just kidding.

We talked a lot. About me, about him, about the things around us... About us. It was a very pleasant conversation. I was seriously nervous at first but he did his best to make me feel comfortable. It was like, we're in our own world...

Until one of the staffs ruined the moment and returned me back to reality. Only three minutes left and our conversation will finally come to an end, whether I like it or not. That's the sad truth.

I looked at him and stared into his eyes from the screen. "Before we part ways, I wanted to tell you something. This might be our first and last conversation, so I'm going to say it all."

"Thank you so much for existing, Hwang Hyunjin. Stray Kids will never be the same without you in the team. Thank you for inspiring so many people, like me. You were my inspiration when I was losing all motivation to do things. Your journey to where you are today is definitely not easy, but you still made it with perseverance and courage. Always remember to stay as you already are, and be yourself. We STAYs will always be here, watching you from afar as you continuously hone your skills and reach the peak of your career. Through ups and downs, we will always be here. We'll never leave you."

"I love you Hwang Hyunjin. Thank you so much for this unforgettable memories with you. We may not meet like this again, but I will always be in the shadows, making you shine even brighter. Thank you!"

I couldn't see his reaction while I was talking because tears were in my eyes. He couldn't reply because 15 minutes already passed and the video call automatically ended.

I put down my phone and cried. It felt so surreal, yet so heartwarming. I lie down on my bed and hugged my body pillow as I continuously mourned for my broken yet contented heart.

—————

Months later, at an interview with Stray Kids...

How about you Hyunjin? Do you have an unforgettable moment recently? If it's okay with you, please share it with the audience!

One of the members of the team took the mic. He was a bit nervous but Bang Chan tapped his back. He breathed deeply before answering.

"You see, we have this Meet and Call event where we talk to fans around the world through video calls due to the pandemic. I've had one encounter that I could never ever forget, it had a large impact on me. I've had a heart-to-heart chat with that person, to the point that it made me cry right at that moment. Good thing the video call already ended since I really didn't want that person to see me messed up, crying because I felt what they told me. If given the chance, I would to talk to that person again and tell them, that I'm also very grateful that they existed in this life of mine."

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