3 weeks later...
Lately, I've been thinking about what I've turned into. I'm not myself anymore, I don't know who am I. All I do is sit by the window and think about my life. I'm 36 years old, in a drug rehab, no home, no family, no nice clothing and etc. All of my desires and dreams went to waste. I feel so stupid, I gave up everything just to be with a man I thought I was in love with. It's actually not Jacquees fault... I blame it on me, I blame everything on me. I understand why Jacquees wasn't happy in our relationship. I rarely showed him love and affection after I had Sebastian. I blame myself for our relationship being broken.
"Hey ma" i heard Jermaine say
I looked his way and smile and looked back into the window. He sighed .
"I brought you something to eat" he said
"Thank you, but I'm not hungry." I said looking at him .
"It's your favorite sesame chicken." He said waving the bag up.
"Jermaine I'm not hungry" i chuckled
"Want to talk about it?" He asked
"I'm fine--"
"Oh my fucking gosh Ayana! Why won't you just talk to me!?" He yelled
"Why are you yelling?" I asked calmly
"Just fucking talk to me! You over here being a stubborn ass bitch. Man I don't even know I helped your ugly bald headed ass. I should've left your hoe ass on the streets. I don't even know why I cared enough to take you to rehab. I should've just left you like I do them other crack heads. " He yelled
"Oh now I see your true colors. You mad because I don't want to speak about my past? Just calm down" I said calm as I can be.
All of the sudden this negro grabbed me by my neck and held me up in the air.
"Just kill me. I don't have a reason to live anyway" i managed to get out.
"Kill me" i slurred
Tears fell from my eyes as his grip got tighter
"Jermaine Willie Nelson! Let go of her! Now!" I heard his mother yell
He snapped back into reality, his eyes got wide and he dropped me to the floor. I start to breath hard as tears fell from my face.
"Why you didn't kill me!? Just fucking kill me!" I yelled
"I'm sorry Ayana--"
"I want to die! Why you didn't kill me !?" I yelled
"Shhhh"Ms.Honey B said
Jermaine picked me up and placed me in my bed. Ms.HoneyB slapped the back of his neck real hard.
"Don't ever do that again! You hea me!?" She yelled
"Ayana--"
"Get out Jermaine!" She said
"Mama--"
"Get out Jermaine!" She yelled
He stormed out of the room. Ms.HoneyB sat down beside my bed and wiped my tears.
"Everything with get better. Okay sweet heart?" She said rubbing my head.
