Shards of Silver

Chapter One

Andrew Collins had always expected that he'd end up in prison. He had known what he was since he was a young boy. Though, he had always doubted he would end up in a mental institution. He always thought he was sane, well, as sane as he could be, but he reckoned the courts thought differently. His family thought there was nothing wrong with him and to this day fought for his innocence. He didn't have the heart to tell them of his guilt. He knew what he had done, and could remember every scream, every thought going through his mind, every word he and his victims had spoken, even the details of their faces when he killed them.

Andrew had never shot a gun. In fact he was frightened of them. It was one of the few things in this world that made him uneasy. Ever since he had witnessed his brother's almost fatal hunting accident at the age of twelve. The bullet had entered Isaac's hip and came out the other side of his body. Andrew could remember the look of horror on his brother's face when the shot rang out. He could remember his own tiny body jumping in surprise at the loud noise. The deer that they had been stalking with their father darted away as Jacob Collins rushed to his eldest's side. Isaac used a cane now. His leg never worked quite right after that. He had only been sixteen.

Andrew had never killed anything with a gun. He was more creative than that. His first kill was a deer. A buck to be exact, when he was fourteen. He had shot it with a bow. He could remember the excitement his father expressed when the arrow had landed it's mark. He wondered if his father would have been just as excited when he flawlessly slit Cassidy-Grace Blanchet's throat. There had been blood everywhere, but he knew how to clean up after himself. He couldn't stand a mess.

Cassidy-Grace had not been a pretty girl. At least to Andrew. He liked perfection, and she was far from it. She was short, and red haired. It wasn't her height or her hair color that bothered him however. It was her nose. You see, Cassidy-Grace had been a softball player for most of her life, and when she was a sophomore in high school, her nose had been broken by a bad pitch. As a result, her already pointed nose was slightly crooked. Andrew couldn't help but stare at that imperfection whenever the girl attempted to associate with him. She was always really pushy with him, always trying to be his friend.

She was nothing like Henry Lewis. Henry was always perfect. His face had that perfect symmetry and even though he parted his hair to the right side, he always looked perfect. Henry was the one that Andrew wrote his letters to. He didn't even write to his mother. He never got any replies of course, but he still tried in hopes that one day during visiting hours Henry would come to see him.

The first time Andrew met Henry he fantasized about killing him. How he would do it would be intimate--with his hands most likely. Andrew rarely used his hands. That left too many prints and evidence of what he was really like. Eventually the want to murder him disappeared. Some deep part of him wished to share the joys of killing with Henry. Maybe then he would understand. But no one would ever really understand. His therapist claimed to know what he was going through, but she wouldn't get it. He longed to end her too. She knew too much about him.

Andrew shivered as he thought about it. He was alone in his cell. They were not allowed to have cell mates here. Too dangerous. He wished Dr. Kane would somehow appear. He wanted to tell her about wanting to kill her. Maybe she would make it stop. She was supposed to know how to do that. He stood and motioned to one of the guards to come over.

Ever so wary, the male guard approached, but kept his distance. There was a yellow line on the floor that visitors and staff were recommended to keep behind. "I want you to call Doctor Alicia Kane. Tell her I've come to a conclusion."

"It's after hours, Collins," the guard replied.

"Leave a message then."

"You'll see her tomorrow, Collins."

Andrew sighed heavily. His head hurt. "She needs to hear what I have to say."

"I'll move your appointment earlier," said the guard. "Goodnight, Collins."

That was the end of that. Andrew plopped down onto his bed. There were handcuffs attached to the metal bed posts. Those were from an earlier incident when one of his nurses got a little too close. He was now required to be restrained when he was provided with his medication.

He laid down on his back and continued to think about what it would be like to kill Alicia Kane. This is what put him to sleep.

***

"What was so urgent, Andrew?" Dr. Kane asked in that sweet and gentle voice she had. Andrew knew it was a facade and that she could actually be quite harsh when she wanted to be.

They were seated in one of the upstairs therapy rooms. Though, no one could hear their conversation, they were being watched intensely by several guards. 

Andrew took a deep breath and shifted to a more comfortable position. His hands were strapped to the chair arms and his feet were chained to the floor. He smiled at her. "I think I would feel better," he said. "If I killed you."

"And why is that, Andrew?"

"The last person that knew this much about me put me here." He gestured as much as he could with his restraints. "Where does that mean you'll put me?"

"If you think I will be the reason you end up somewhere worse than here, you would be mistaken," Dr. Kane said. "I am only here to help you, Andrew."

"That's what he told me too."

"Henry?"

"Yes."

"Shall we talk about him?" Dr. Kane never forced him to talk about anything, though he did not need much prompting to talk about Henry.

"I wanted him dead too," Andrew said. "But I wanted to do it. It would not be enough if it were not by my hand."

"You said wanted," Kane said. "Past tense. You no longer feel as such?"

"No," Andrew wanted to wring his hands together. This was always what made him the most uncomfortable. His feelings for Henry. Why he couldn't have just ended it, he didn't know. Maybe he never would have been here if he had just killed him.

"What do you feel for him now?" Dr. Kane asked.

"Love."